Some Shoes Deserve Their Own Epic Ballad

For example, I can't look at my new clogs without cooing Peter Cetera's Glory of Love. I am the man who will fight for their honor!

I have always needed them.

I could never make it alone.

What if the BSC Just Stayed In and Watched Some TV for a Change?

These girls are just not passionate about television. I call foul. When I was a freshman in high school (only one year older than Our Heroines), I discovered the X-Files and lost a couple years of my life. The proof is in the pudding, and 'the pudding' equals lots of eBayed posters and novels and other embarrassing paraphernalia*. And I feel like that's pretty standard adolescent behavior. I mean, I know they're entrepreneurial and busy loving kids and all, but didn't they ever wanna lie around watching Saved By the Bell and eating ice pops?

I found a note on my iPod today that I'd completely forgotten about, written in the middle of a sleepless night, titled Tv shows bsc would watch. Some of the notes are so shorthandified that I can't quite figure them out (there's a bit about 'horses' and 'The Ring' that I think was supposed to lead to a humorous paragraph about my fear of horses and inability to sleep after watching horror films, so please pretend to laugh** even though I no longer remember the intended jokes), but the gist of it is there.

Feel free to submit your own theories on the girls' favorite shows.

Kristy: Parks and Recreation. She is Leslie Knope. (Who is amazing.) I have to take a moment to praise the hell out of this show. I was really unimpressed with the first season but am totally in love with the second. They've really hit their stride, and I was disappointed to hear that it's not returning to NBC until mid-season. It was like watching DJ Roomba die all over again.

Mary Anne: Grey's Anatomy. I had some jokes here about how lame this show is, and a note to self about "no statute of limitations on mocking lame tv shows", but I'm letting it go. It just seems like something she'd watch and sigh/cry over, doesn't it?

Stacey McGill: Gossip Girl. Obviously. Her dad even owns an apartment on the Upper East Side! Man, remember when that show was good? Miss you, boo. And why does Chuck Bass talk like Batman these days? Did something happen to his vocal cords? He didn't sound like that first season.

Dawn Schafer: Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution or Ghost Hunters. She can't pick a coast to live on. She probably wouldn't be able to pick a favorite show either.

Mallory Pike: Vampire Diaries. Apparently I picked this show because I wanted to joke about her writing a story about a vampire horse, but since I've forgotten the associated jokes (see above), I'm reneging and going with Jon & Kate + 8 for the relatability factor. I'm sure it would be a great comfort to her that A. her siblings are not sextuplets B. her parents are not Jon & Kate. I think we're all glad our parents aren't Jon & Kate.

Jessi Ramsey: So You Think You Can Dance. She laughs at Mary Murphy's cheesy jokes.

Claudia Kishi: Veronica Mars. It's like Nancy Drew, but with less reading and more artsy camera angles.

* Also there were some poor hair color decisions, but that is neither here nor there.

** Like this: "Ha ha! She is scared of horses! Classic!" Thanks.

#24: Kristy and the Mother's Day Surprise

Personally, I'm surprised that the other babysitters abandoned her with that horde of children. But maybe they couldn't bear to be seen with her in those jeans. Let's squint at them (the jeans, not the AWOL babysitters) in a concerned fashion.

Problems with Kristy's jeans:

1. the color

2. the waistline (Urkel-high)

3. the probable elastic waistband

4. the ankle sock-exposing cuffs

5. everything, just everything.

"My friends shifted position and I looked at them as I tried to figure out how to explain my great idea. Mallory, with her new short haircut, was sitting on the floor, leaning against Claud's bed. She was wearing jeans with zippers up the bottoms of the legs, and a sweat shirt that said STONEYBROOK MIDDLE SCHOOL across the front. In her newly pierced ears were tiny gold hoops.

Jessi was wearing matching hoops (I think she and Mal had gone shopping together), a purple dance leotard [it occurs to me that Jessi is courting some serious yeast infection issues with all these leotards, and also oh my god I can't believe I just wrote that], and jeans. Over the leotard she was wearing a purple-and-white striped shirt, unbuttoned.

On the bed, in a row, sat Mary Anne, Dawn, and Claudia, watching me intently. Mary Anne's hair was pulled back in a ponytail and held in place with a black-and-white checkered bow that matched the short skirt she was wearing. Around her neck was a chain and dangling from it were gold letters that spelled out MARY ANNE.

Dawn was wearing a necklace, too, only hers said I'M AWESOME. [Because nothing endears other people to you like going around advertising how damn awesome you are. In other news, I totally want this necklace.] Honest. Where had she gotten it? California, probably. And in her double pierced ears were hoops of different sizes. See what I mean about Dawn being an individual? Also she was wearing a fairly tame [California Casual] dress, but on her feet were plaid high-top sneakers.

Then there was Claudia. She was wearing a pretty tame dress, too - with a red necktie! Then, she had on a these new, very cool roll socks. When she pushed them down just right [Just right? Is it that hard? Did they come with an instruction booklet?], they fell into three rolls. The top roll was red, the middle one was peacock blue, and the bottom one was purple. She looked as if she were wearing ice-cream cones on her feet. In her hair was a braided band in red, blue, and purple, like her socks. And dangling from her ears were - get this - spiders in webs. Ew. (But they were pretty cool.)"

Kristy was wearing her uniform. Of course. So I chose to move on to more fabulous fashion.

"She rememberized* the first time she ever met Claudia. It was the beginning of seventh grade - I think it might even have been the first day of school - and they ran into each other in the hallway. I mean, ran right into each other. Each of them was kind of mad because the other was dressed in such cool clothes - and each wanted to be the coolest. But they calmed down and became very close friends."

There's another version of this story in which they're mad because they were both wearing the same sweatshirt. Unless I just made that up, which is entirely possible. Sometimes when I go too long between entries, I start dreaming about used bookstores and BSC books that didn't actually exist. I'm always like "wow, I never even KNEW there was a lost Super Special in which the girls run the Boston Marathon!" and then I'm disappointed when I wake up.

"Now, here's a big difference between them and me. That morning, I dressed in my jeans and running shoes, a t-shirt with a picture of Beaver Cleaver on it, and my collie dog baseball cap. Then I added my SHS (Stoneybrook High School) sweat shirt that used to belong to Sam, since the weather would probably be chilly in the morning.

Stacey, however, put on a tight-fitting pink jumpsuit over a white t-shirt, lacy white socks, and those plastic shoes. What are they called - jellies? And Claudia wore a pale blue baggy shirt over black-and-blue leopard-spotted pants that tied in neat knots at her ankles. On her feet she wore purple high-tops. And they both wore all this jewelry and these accessories, like big, big earrings, and headbands with rosettes on them, and nail polish. Claudia even wore her snake bracelet. Honestly, what did they think we were going to do? Enter a fashion show?

Oh, okay, I'll admit it. They looked great. And I was a teeny bit jealous. I wouldn't even know how to dress the way they do."

That could be a good thing.

I've come up with another motto (remember my last one? Better Than Jeopardy? It really caught on) for the blog. What Claudia Wore: I'm Huge In Australia.

Okay, maybe that's not, um, exactly true. But Jo of Oxfam Australia's 3things thinks I'm pretty cool. Which is practically the same thing. Check out her interview with me, in which I pontificate on environmentally friendly fashion & our favorite babysitter.

* "which was an old word of hers meaning 'to remember something really well.'" Oh, Stacey.

Hopelessly Devoted To Shoe

I'm moving this summer, for the third time in three years. I'm starting to get into move mode, which for me means months and months of freakin' out and packing (and then unpacking and repacking) and sorting, endless sorting. There is a method to my madness, I'm sure. I just don't exactly know what that method is.

In preparation, I've been doing a slow, methodical purge of my wardrobe. It's happening in waves. A few weekends ago I went through my shoe collection and got rid of 17 pairs. I suspect I will be purging more in the months to come -- it's just hard to let go all at once. Anyway, this means that I can spend some time happily window shopping, right? As long as I don't buy anything until I'm settled. (Expect pictures of my bedroom-closet when that happens. There's gonna be necklaces everywhere! A bookcase devoted to my Fryes! Etc.!)

But yeah . . . in the meantime it's all sweet dreams of new oxfords and clogs (and media centers from Pottery Barn).

Frye Erin oxford, $168

Frye Hutch shootie, $178

Anthropologie Come Together heels, $190

Anthropologie Wild Blooming clogs, $148

Kristy Thomas Approves Of This Post

I'm no Claudia. Every morning I wage a war with my alarm clock. I'd rather sleep late than spend my precious morning minutes putting together my best Ms. Frizzle look. Which means I milk the snooze function for all it's worth, then frantically pull on whatever items of clothing are closest (some days, this is unfortunately self-evident). For this reason, I love me some skinny jeans. They are my version of Kristy's omnipresent cornflower blue pegged jeans.

And I've finally found the perfect pair.

It took forever, and I had to spend a decent amount of cash to do it. Listen, I'm not short. I'm about 5'6", a bit taller than the average woman*. However, pair after pair of jeans were giving me what I like to refer to as the jegwarmer effect. You know exactly what I'm talking about -- skinny jeans bunching around your ankles because they're too damn long, creating an awkward legwarmer of denim.

Enter James Jeans' Twiggy.

They are a stretchy denim miracle. No jegwarmer effect! They boast a perfect 29.5" inseam. I own two pairs - China Doll (as sported by Lily Allen at the V Festival) and Sway (which I'm wearing above). They fit like a glove and are amazingly comfortable. I'm also really impressed by their resiliency - they don't bag out at the knees and butt like my cheaper skinnies tend to do after a few wears. Like I said, stretchy denim miracle.

Oh, by the way, they're not paying me to write this or anything. I just really love these jeans. And I'm probably not the only girl who's sick and tired of wearing jegwarmers. So, you know, public service announcement.

* This is an actual footnote, for once: a 2002 survey by the National Center for Health Statistics puts the average height of an American woman at 5 feet 3.8 inches. Thanks, google!

#83: Stacey vs. the BSC

In this corner: your friends! Say hello to them!

And in this corner: the most sophisticated damn teenager to ever grace the state of Connecticut! She wears turquoise wool slacks, people!

I was very moved by this book back in 1995. I mean, secretly moved. Because there was no way you could've gotten me to publicly admit that I read it. I was all "wow. This is truly the end of an era." This book was my Kennedy assassination. Devastating.

So, yeah, Stacey quit. And/or was fired, depending on which fictional character you're siding with. Annnnnd then she rejoined the club four books later. What a drama queen. Oh, and then Dawn jetted off to California one book after that! And then Abby showed up out of nowhere, like the unwelcome reappearance of Angelina "Trash Bags" Pivarnick on the Jersey Shore reunion special.

Lotta turnover for the BSC in such a short span of time. Also, how pissed am I that Trash Bags is back for season 2? She's gonna have to beat up the beat pretty damn hard to win me over. (I'm sure she's concerned.)

"Anyway, Claudia the Chocoholic is thin, blemish-free, and stunning. She's Japanese-American, with gorgeous jet-black hair and almond-shaped eyes. And her outfits are as abstract as her paintings. That day, for example, she was wearing this super-baggy men's shirt that must have once belonged to a sumo wrestler, enormous light wool black trousers gathered at the waist with a silken sash, and old work boots. Her hair was pulled back with a barrette in the shape of a set of teeth. Very original, very cool."

Kishi, Lady Gaga would like to know if she can borrow your teeth barrette. Also, Claudia is so damn fashion forward. Replace the work boots with a pair of YSL pumps, and this is an outfit straight out of Karla's Closet. (Maybe minus the teeth barrette.)

"My mom raced into my bedroom, holding a pair of crisp, turquoise, light-wool slacks. 'Here they are!'"

See. Told ya. I bet you don't wear crisp turquoise light-wool slacks on your dates. That's because you're not sophisticated like Stacey. Sorry.