What Claudia Wore

2011-10-17T09:03:00.000-04:00

How to Put Together Your Totally Dibble Claudia Kishi Halloween Costume

Dude, how is it almost Halloween already? I guess my hectic babysitting schedule has kept me too busy to realize that summer's long over. Damn those Pike children and their loveable* hijinks!

I haven't dressed up for Halloween in years (unless 'sweatpant-wearing twentysomething' counts as a costume as well as my daily wardrobe**), but I'm sure some of you are looking to put together a fabulous throwback costume. Why not our super acute vice president?

Below, please enjoy your guide to a dibbly fresh Halloween costume (almond-shaped eyes not included) that you'll inevitably have to explain to almost every male at the party.

Side ponytail Scrunchy optional . . . you could also choose to weave a ribbon into your hair, divide it into five braids and pin them to the top of your head, or just throw a fuckton of barrettes in there and see what happens.
Homemade earrings Get yourself on Etsy and search for 'dollhouse earrings' -- you'll hit the motherload of Claudia-inspired crafts. You might want to pick a theme and gear your costume in that direction, like the time Claudia dressed like she was traveling under the sea with Miss Frizzle. Bonus points if you get a pair of earrings where one is a fork and the other is a piece of cake.
Telephone cord bracelet You know, assuming you can actually find such a thing out in this brave new world full of iPhones. Do you realize our kids aren't going to understand what cassette tapes are? And floppy disks? Oh god, my youth is collapsing all around me.
Neon EVERYWHERE I don't like American Apparel as a company (cause, you know, skeevy and awful?) but, yeah, basically look for clothes so bright you're in danger of burning out your friends' retinas. Hit up welovecolors and buy some tights that practically glow in the dark.
Mix your patterns with wild abandon Maybe get drunk first, twirl around for a while (try not to vomit in your closet), and then put on the first couple of patterns you find. Plaids with stripes! Herringbone and polka dots! Instead of asking why, ask why not!
Pockets You want as many pockets as possible in your Claudia-costume, because an important element of her personality is candy-hoarding, and you can't carry a bedroom/club headquarters around with you. Hide that shit all over YOURSELF. Maybe find a tiny copy of a Nancy Drew book (Nancy Drew's Guide to Life comes to mind) and stuff that in there, too. Then, every time someone asks what you are, just pull out a mini Mounds bar and treat yourself. Bonus points if you create a miniature work of art out of the candy wrappers. Leave it for your host -- they'll totally appreciate it!
Even more pockets . . . because you should also get yourself a cheap flask and bedazzle the shit out of it. Or cover it in stickers and rick-rack. Basically, this is your personal Kid Kit. Fill it with peach schnapps or some other diabetic coma-inducing liquor. Practice 'poisoning' your friend Stacey.
Ankle and/or cowboy boots No explanation needed.

If you're bored by the party, you might consider bringing props (a cabbage patch kid as a sitting charge, or an easel that you set up in the middle of a high traffic area just because) to entertain yourself with. Or walk around your friend's apartment, squint at the grease stains in the kitchen, and say to no one in particular "this might be art." This will get easier the more time you spend with your personal Kid Kit.

Drink plenty of water before you go to bed. And then send me the pictures the next day.

Happy Halloween everyone.

(patterned polyester spandex legging, Frye Carson pull on, rainbow cake slice & fork earrings, autumn floral blouse)

* annoying

** seriously, working from home is awesome, you guys.

2011-08-06T09:56:00.012-04:00

Mandy Miller Comes Correct

Y'all remember The Unicorn Club series? I loved it so much. Then they broke up the club in book 6 (The Unicorns at War) and didn't even include a preview of the next book and, dude, my adolescent heart was so broken, thinking the series was over. Then I randomly stumbled on #7 (Too Close for Comfort) while on vacation with my family (treasured memories: going to bookstores in other states) and all was right in the world again but the books weren't really that great after that bitch Kimberly Haver came back to Sweet Valley and ruined everything.

. . . Obviously I had a very tough childhood.

This is the cover of the first book, which I studied INTENTLY because there was no way the illustrator was pulling a fast one on me: that was clearly Tiffani Amber Theissen on the front cover. It's like "oh, hey! The Wakefield twins! Maria Slater, former child star! Lila Fowler, looking sadly weasely! Mary Wallace, as exciting as a sack of potatoes! And right in the middle -- Kelly Kapowski from Saved by the Bell! Why not!"

Anyway, Mandy Miller* is totes the Claudia Kishi of the Unicorn Club. She's not strapping dollhouse chairs to her ponytail or anything, but she is definitely the wacky dresser of the series. In the first book, she tells us that "my family doesn't have much money, so my mom and I have always had to be creative when it comes to clothes. I get most of my clothes from the thrift store. I guess you could say I was the grunge pioneer at Sweet Valley Middle School.

Take today - I had on wide-legged striped pants, a knit cap, and a long vest over a T-shirt. Not to brag on anything, but I do have sort of a flair with clothes. Even Lila Fowler tells me she really likes the way I put things together."

Even Lila Fowler, people.

By book 2, Mandy is such a fashion superstar that she starts a thrift store makeover trend at school, which leads to the director of some teen rom-com hiring her as an apprentice costume designer when he happens to wander into the thrift store mid-makeover sesh. He also casts Maria Slater in a bit part, uses the Unicorn Club as extras, and decides to film some scenes at Sweet Valley Middle School, because this is apparently what life is like in California. And here I had the misfortune of being raised in suburban New York. (Seriously, how many times did a model scout or movie director or former rock star or star journalist wind up in Sweet Valley? There must be something in the water there. Like cocaine.)

"Mandy walked up and down, like a general inspecting her troops. She had really gone all the way today. She was wearing a pair of men's paisley pajama bottoms under a short tartan kilt, with a ribbed poorboy top and a paisley scarf worn like a sash. On her head was a tam with a big pom-pom. She looked great -- sort of like a punk bagpiper.

We all stood up really straight as she passed us by. Mary had on a forties vamp outfit. Flowing pants and a floaty top. Her fine blond hair lay flat all around her head in spit curls. And the only makeup she wore was dead white power and red, red lipstick.

'Good', Mandy said approvingly, and Mary blushed with pleasure.

Lila had on a white crocheted vest over a black body suit and jeans. On her feet were saddle shoes.

Mandy smiled and shook her head. 'Great.'

On to Jessica. She was wearing faded jeans and a blue, pink, and purple floral-patterned vest. Underneath the vest was a white oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and on her head she had a hat with a big flower pinned to the upturned brim. Elizabeth had chosen a cool fifties-style housedress, accented with colorful jewelry, patterned tights, and lace-up boots.

Evie was there, too, and she trailed behind Mandy like a second-in-command, straightening a shoulder pad or retying a tie when it was necessary.

She was very funky, too, in her patterned men's dress shirt and tie. She wore them over a stretch miniskirt and tights."

Original fashion bloggers tbh. Stacey McGill better scurry on over to Bloomingdale's, because she is getting schooled left and right here.

* Sweet Valley trivia: Mandy Miller was introduced in the Sweet Valley Twins series -- she desperately wanted to be a Unicorn but was kind of goofy and her family was poor but then she got cancer and the Unicorns felt bad about being full-fledged bitches when it turns out Mandy was actually a super great person and then I think Lila bought her a wig because Mandy's mom could only afford a really janky one that did not meet Unicorn standards. I did not have to consult Wikipedia for any of this and that saddens me.

2011-04-27T09:30:00.007-04:00

Damn England, What Happened?*

A while back, Alexandra sent me a series of images so horrible that I think my brain short-circuited. U.S. readers, are you aware that other countries have defaced these classic works of literature with cover images like the ones you see below?

I can only imagine that this is payback for the Revolutionary War.

I ended up taking an unplanned sabbatical from blogging (and honestly, that may resume after this entry, who knows) and never got around to sharing these monstrosities. Then I woke up around 3:00 a.m. this morning thinking about them. So here they are in all of their poorly-drawn glory.

And there are more. Many more. Alexandra told me she has a near-complete set of these things**. It's almost too much to process.

Claudia and the Genius of Elm Street

Not too much to complain about here -- dude did a real hatchet job on Rosie Wilder, who was super cute on the OG cover, but Claudia looks passably human. And she's got some sort of groovy Woodstock-inspired ensemble going on. Respect.

Grade: E (Excellent amount of jewelry)

Dawn and the Older Boy

There's a lot that's wrong here, and I'm not just talking about Travis. (I didn't think he could be more creepy than he was on the original cover, but here we are. There's a light in his eyes that suggests he's contemplating where he's going to bury all the bodies.) Why is Dawn suddenly sporty? She's wearing some crazy jersey that clashes with her turquoise shirt and pink pants -- so not California Casual, y'all. Is she having another identity crisis? And there's no way Dawn would ever drink a Coke. We all know Dawn is perfect and her body is a temple and she has no vices whatsoever and she exists solely on sprouts and self righteousness.

Grade: S (Shenanigans)

Mary Anne and Too Many Boys

Shit just got real. Why did they put that ugly little boy in a dress? Oh, that's supposed to be Mary Anne? Really? 'Cause that face looks like, I don't know, bad Justin Bieber fanart. Swear to god, even the bird on the pier is giving her side-eye.

Grade: G (Gender confusion)

Claudia and the Middle School Mystery

So maybe I've been watching too much Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, but I'm mildly concerned about Mr. Zorzi's creeper status. I know, I get it, she's taking a retest and he's suspicious or whatever. But. Doesn't it kinda look like he's checking her out? Watch yourself, Zorzi.

Grade: C (Consider calling Stabler and Benson)

Stacey's Choice

She chooses to wear Chuck Bass-style silk pajamas, and that's all there is to it, okay?

Grade: I (Intense eyebrows)

Keep Out, Claudia!

What's scarier, the mutant racist children in business casual or the clown (?) on Claudia's shirt? Mad props for rockin' the fringe vest like she's a nastygal model, but the orange sweatshirt has got to go. She's definitely considering killing those kids, by the way.

Grade: R (Reconsidering babysitting as a viable career choice)

Kristy's Big Day

I saved the best for last, folks. I'm so horrified by this cover. Crazy Mary Anne is back, raising one eyebrow and wearing a hat for no real reason. There's probably a joke about the royal wedding and British people wearing hats somewhere in there, but I am so tired of hearing about that wedding that I can't bring myself to make it. Anyway, Kristy is straight up busted here (not to mention badly in need of some Alberto V05 hot oil). Maybe the illustrator couldn't meet his deadline and outsourced this job to his 10 year old. That's gotta be the explanation for this, right?

Grade: W (Wtf)

* It may be 2011, but that won't stop me from making Mean Girls references. By the way, how great was Bossypants?

** That may have been a threat.

2010-10-12T15:53:00.004-04:00

Sweaterpants: So In Right Now

Lovers of sweaters, crazy prints, and cozy layers should check out Elizabeth Spiridakis' Style Guide for H&M. I was really digging the whole feature, but one look was throwing me off. It nagged at me: where have I encountered this concept before? It's so familiar.

Oh. Right.

"'For heaven's sake. Why are you wearing your sweater on your legs?' I asked. Karen had put each of her feet through a sleeve of her sweater and was now struggling to hold the bottom of the sweater around her waist.

'It's a new style,' Karen replied. 'Sweater-pants.' She hobbled over to my desk. 'Can you button me up the back, please?'

'I have a feeling,' I said as I fastened the buttons, 'that this isn't what Nannie had in mind when she knitted this sweater for you.'"

Super Special #7, Snowbound

Karen Brewer, fashion visionary. Who knew.

2010-10-07T13:20:00.000-04:00

Mystery #25: Kristy and the Middle School Vandal

Love the mystery (it stars eighth grade badass Cary Retlin, who refers to the babysitters as the "BSCPD"*), am scared and confused about the cover.

Things that are wrong with this cover:

1. Kristy! What happened to your adorable face? Who are you?

2. Cary Retlin's giant teal t-shirt.

3. Pink. sleeveless. mock. turtleneck.

4. Jessi's proportions. Also her face.

5. Purple lockers?

6. Mary Anne's orthopedic sandals.

7. No tagline. Apparently middle school vandalism is such a serious subject that the editors couldn't bear to take away from the power of the illustration.

I'm sure there's more here, but if I stare at this thing any longer my brain might melt. It's like looking at the sun, or a bad trip, or staring at the sun during a bad trip. Powerful stuff, man.

"On Claudia, with the long black hair, dark eyes, and creamy skin, every look is a great one. [Preach it, girl.] Today she was wearing pink jellies, white ankle socks with pink hearts around the edges, and majorly baggy white overalls, cut off just below the knee, over a tie-dyed pink, green, and yellow T-shirt with the sleeves rolled up. She had a ring on every finger and one on each thumb, including a heart-shaped mood ring, a ring with a little bell on it, a ring that looked like a cat winding around her finger [see also: silver leopard], a baby ring with her birthstone in it, and a ring she'd made herself out of clay and beads. Her hair was pulled back into three braids, which were tied together at the bottom with a pink and green ribbon. She had on her peace symbol earrings, too, and a button that said 'Jerry Garcia Lives' in black script against a tie-dyed background that matched her T-shirt. She'd made the button herself in art class."

This look reads very Christeric (okay, maybe not the ankle socks or the braids) and I love it. I had to dig in her archives until I found this outfit, which I at one point had bookmarked as "CLAUDIA WOULD". I mean, right?

"One of Stacey's best colors is black - a New York City thing, I guess - and today she was wearing black leggings, side-zippered flat black ankle boots with pointed toes, a silver-threaded T-shirt dress that stopped at mid-thigh, and heart earrings. Her fluffy blonde hair was pulled back with a twisted black and silver headband."

Well, I guess I can't complain too much about this.

So I'll move on.

"Cary was wearing my watch when I saw him at school the next morning - my watch and his watch, both on the same arm. It was a look Claudia might sport, I thought wryly."

Kristy underestimates herself, I think. She's got an eye for this sort of thing!

What Not To Wear, Stacey and Claudia Edition:

"Stacey wrinkled her nose. 'I don't know. But someone should tell him grunge is old news. Look at those jeans.'

'I like the jeans,' said Claudia. 'But the shirt has got to go - or at least, go with something else.'"

Zing!

* Way funnier than any joke Abby's ever made. Sorry girl.

2010-10-05T13:15:00.002-04:00

Mystery #14: Stacey and the Mystery at the Mall

There's so much going on in this picture - all of it bad. Stacey's bangs have that distinctly crispy look to them (anyone who can remember the late 80s and early 90s knows a thing or two about crispy bangs), Claudia's flares are too short (sure, so were mine when I was a teenager, but I wasn't a baby fashionista who should really know better), and Zingy's is selling pink floral jumpers paired with long-sleeved white blouses. Isn't Zingy's supposed to be the Forever 21 of the Washington Mall? Not even Mallory would consider these duds trendy.

"She believes clothes should do more than cover our bodies and keep us warm. Instead, she sees dressing as one more creative outlet, and it shows. She always looks fabulous, and she never looks just like everyone else. She'll pair a long white shirt with a colorful vest, accessorize with handmade jewelry, pull her hair up into an outrageous ponytail, and look like a million dollars."

Girl slow down. What the heck is an outrageous ponytail? Is she wearing a Jem & the Holograms scrunchie? And where are her pants?

"'One of these days we're going to have to stay a little late and do some serious shopping,' said Claud, eyeing a white lace baby-doll dress. 'I'll ask my dad if he can pick us up one day next week.'"

Dude, can you even believe this book has the nerve to promise shopping and not deliver? You'd think you'd get at least one actual shopping trip in a Mystery at a Mall. But no. We get one lousy sentence about Stacey gazing "at a pair of black lace-up boots and wonder[ing] how they would look with this old-fashioned floral-print dress my mother had given me."

Not great. Now get shopping.

"The next day, Sunday, my friends and I headed over to the mall for the painting party. Charlie drove us in Watson's van. 'You guys sure look different from the last time I saw you,' he said as he dropped us off. It was true. That afternoon, we had been dressed in our best clothes. This time we were wearing stuff we'd found in the rag-bag. Claudia, for example, had wrapped a neon-pink bandana around her head, and she was wearing a humongous pair of overalls over an ancient striped T-shirt."

I don't know, Stace. That sounds like a pretty typical Claudia outfit to me.

2010-10-02T16:43:00.005-04:00

Another chance to win a $100 Shopbop giftcard (thanks to DSQUARED2)

It's time for another Shopbop $100 giftcard giveway! This one is brought to you by* DSQUARED2, Lela Rose, and Rachel Roy. To enter, leave a comment with your e-mail address and favorite Super Special. I'll pick a random winner in two weeks.

You can also follow Shopbop (for fashion news, lookbook links, and Fashion Week updates) on twitter. And if you need some wishlist inspiration, I'm dying over just about every piece in their Sophisticated 70s trend report.

* Typing 'brought to you by' makes me feel like a PBS announcer.

2010-09-30T12:59:00.006-04:00

Incredulous Kristy Remains Incredulous; Internet is a Delightful Place

You guys are so great. I love all your Incredulous Kristys. My deepest fear was that you'd be like "huh" and not even bother, but instead you made a bunch of masterpieces, possibly while under the influence. And I would never judge you for that. You work hard! Take the edge off, have another beer. I've been so overjoyed with the incredulous nature of it all that I put up a bunch of them on tumblr. I can't promise that little side project will last (RIP What Chuck Wore), but there was too much gold not to redistribute it somehow.

Of the Kristys submitted in the last post, my favorite had to be lemonpants's Indignant Kristy, who can't even believe these bitches would be grabbin' slices without asking permission.

Ahh, the pizza toast; a great BSC tradition. Lemonpants, if you would like a not-so-gently used copy of Claudia's Book as a reward for this brilliance, please e-mail me.

Other things that are great:

Phi adding Chloe Doc Martens to her interpretation of Claudia's outfit in Abby the Bad Sport.
Season five of Bad Girls Club. Don't look at me like that. These are the girls Cokie Mason (AND PROBABLY STACEY MCGILL, JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE) grew up to be. It's the greatest trash ever. Make some popcorn.
Drew Grant churning out more Bret Easton Ellis/BSC crossovers: Mary Anne's Man, Stacey and Dawn's Big Adventure Parts 1 and 2
Getting psyched for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Seriously, I can't even talk about how excited I am. There are no words, just squealing noises and jazz hands. Somewhere in Stoneybrook, Mallory is painstakingly sewing some sweet-ass wizard robes for a midnight showing at the Washington Mall. You know she is.

2010-09-25T12:08:00.001-04:00

Incredulous Kristy Does Not Have Time For Your Gum Chewing Shenanigans

Guys, look at this fucking book cover. It is practically a meme in itself. First of all, Claudia's room appears to be a barren, orange-carpeted wasteland. Isn't club headquarters supposed to be crowded and messy and full of art supplies and old Halloween candy? (Illustrator: "Look, I put a painting of Hershey's Kisses on the wall, what more do you want.") Secondly, Jessi (wearing some weird shiny leggings that look suspiciously Dov Charney approved) is clearly thinking "oh shit, I am so screwed right now." Wendy (the Bad Baby-sitter of the title) is like "what? This ain't your castle, I can chew some damn gum. Jeez."

Kristy . . . is wearing the bitchiest bitchface of all the bitchfaces. I can't stop staring. It's amazing. Let's take a closer look.

Wow.

Since you guys make me laugh regularly, I'm pretty sure you can come up with a better caption for her than I can. So I made a memegenerator template for her. I call her Incredulous Kristy, but you can call her whatever you want. If you come up with something funny, please make an image and leave me a comment with a link to your creation. Funniest image wins the dubious prize of a beat up copy of Claudia's Book, where you can learn all about the formative events that made Kishi the artist and bad speller she is today.

2010-09-22T11:00:00.000-04:00

Claudia Kishi Can't Help Being Inspirational, She Just Is

Phi sent me the gorgeous image you see above. She's taken on the task of interpreting ghostwriter fashion speak and illustrating Claudia's outfits. This rendition of Claud's look in book #60 (Mary Anne's Makeover) is her first installment. I'm particularly loving the paint-splattered leggings.

You can follow Phi's adventures in illustration at entropificus. I'm looking forward to her versions of Claudia's most iconic outfits, like her Mexican train engineer garb or her clock-tights & lobster earrings look.

2010-09-20T16:16:00.004-04:00

#68: Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter

This book should be called Jessi and the Bad Baby-sitter and Also the Hilarious Baby-sitter. The Hilarious Baby-sitter is Kristy. But first, a Claudia outfit.

"For example, today she was wearing an oversized white shirt under a black vest covered with a design of shiny beads. (She sewed the beads on it herself.) She wore neon green leggings and black ballet slippers (on which she'd sewn a matching bead design). From one of her pierced ears hung a dangling earring made from the same beads and on the other ear she wore a small green hoop earring. It was an original look that only Claudia could make work."

I've realized that my tendency to overuse parentheses is a direct result of reading too many BSC books as a child. My college professors couldn't even beat it out of me; that's how ingrained in my psyche these damn books are. I may need professional help.

So that's about it for fashion. On a positive note, the folks at Scholastic must've been having a grand ol' time (read: they'd been drinking) when they put this book together, because it is full of hilarity. Except for the b plot about Margo Pike shoplifting troll dolls, but in hindsight that's unintentionally hilarious, too. Come on, Margo. A ring with a troll doll on it? Dream bigger.

Kristy Has A Flair For The Dramatic:

"Kristy was right beside me so I handed her the phone.

That might have been a mistake.

'Dawn, you have to come home, like, right away,' she said urgently into the phone. 'No, I'm not kidding. We're in a mess here and we need you back.'

'You're going to make her feel bad,' said Mary Anne, reaching out to take the phone from Kristy.

Kristy turned away from Mary Anne, still talking into the phone. 'Yes, that was Mary Anne. . . . No, you can't talk to her until you swear you'll come back right away.'

Mary Anne reached around and scooped the phone out of Kristy's hand. 'Don't pay attention to her,' she told Dawn. 'We're doing all right.'

'No, we're not!' Kristy shouted into the mouthpiece."

No wonder she got the role of Peter Pan. BSC President, master thespian . . . is there anything she can't do? (Besides walk in heels, that is.)

Kristy Might As Well Take Over Writing This Blog:

"'Dawn!' she screamed excitedly. We could hear her all the way down in the living room. Instantly we thundered up the stairs to join in on the phone call.

'We just finished watching your video,' Claudia was telling her as we ran into the room. 'It was great!' Claudia cupped her hand around the phone and turned to us. 'It's Dawn.'

'Duh,' said Kristy."

I should be taking notes from this bitch. Snark doesn't have to be wordy. Sometimes a simple yet eloquent "duh" will suffice. Point taken, Thomas. Point taken.

2010-09-19T08:25:00.007-04:00

Claudia'd Be Into It: The Uniform Project

I'm sure many of you are already familiar with the Uniform Project (those of you who aren't can read about the site's mission and history here). It was started in 2009 by a woman named Sheena Matheiken who pledged to wear the same dress for a year to raise money for the Akanksha Foundation.

The Uniform Project's Pilot series features a new woman - and dress - each month. Lesley Arfin is taking on the challenge for September, wearing a Judi Rosen design (and plenty of quirky socks!) to raise funds for Phoenix House.

The concept of the Uniform Project is a fascinating one, and I think Claudia would really dig the challenge. Dude, can you even imagine the crazy dress she'd come up with? It'd be of her own design, of course. Probably tie-dyed, maybe with a dramatic cowlneck. She'd add a little something to it each day; by the end of the month it would be covered in sequins, feathers, fringe, perler beads, and puffy paint. She'd mix things up by pairing it with her sneaker collection, snake bracelet, sandals that wrap up her calves, skeleton earrings, bungee cord belt, etc. Flawless bitch!

Below are some images of India Salvor Menuez, who kicked off the Pilot series in August. Her profile describes her as "effortless, artsy, slightly subversive, and ultra mellow" . . . kind of like a certain babysitter we all know and love. Shades of Kishi abound in India's outfit choices, amiright?

Mismatched socks & mismatched shoes (sometimes together), crazy colorful crochet pieces, leggings galore . . . love it. India even cut one version of the dress in half (see the top left and bottom right pictures) and wore it as a skirt & crop top. Girl, you know Claudia would.

2010-09-15T17:08:00.004-04:00

BSC at Fashion Week: What Is This I Can't Even

I feel like my entire Google Reader has been taken hostage by New York Fashion Week. Which is pretty great; I get to enjoy NYFW in small, clickable doses (while eating Honey Mustard and Onion pretzels, which would probably be frowned upon at most shows), and Mark All As Read once I'm tired of staring at the beautiful people.

One of my favorite reads has been White Lightning -- Elizabeth Spiridakis is the kind of blogger who inspires me to use cliched phrases like "keeping it real". Plus she gets really excited about ridiculous shoes and throws outfits together in a way Claudia Kishi would totally approve of.

Anyway, I was catching up on her Fashion Week coverage when I came across her entry on Rachel Antonoff's slumber party themed presentation and . . . I died a little inside.

Jessi Ramsey has made it to Fashion Week! Slouch socks are so in right now! Leotards for everyone!

(More information about the presentation can be found on Daily Candy and Stylecaster. If all Fashion Week presentations involved bubbles and s'mores, I'd be trying to elbow my way inside a few right now. 'Cause, come on. Free s'mores.)

2010-09-11T12:31:00.003-04:00

Change of Season

Autumn is exciting for many reasons: fall foliage, delicious pumpkin ales, an excuse to eat a lot of candy, my birthday, etc. After a summer of sweating through tank tops, getting back to layering/boots weather is maybe the most exciting reason of all. A lot of fall trend reports (like this one at Refinery29) are pointing to camel as the shade of the season, and I never say no to a good neutral. Below, some items from my fall lust list. Off to rob a bank or two, see ya later.

Clockwise from top left: 1. Frye Darci studded clog 2. UO Risky reader 3. Anthropologie Million Elephants bag 4. Frye Miranda t-strap 5. Swedish Hasbeens Jodhpur bootie 6. Madewell cascade colordrop necklace 7. Madewell biker bomber jacket

2010-09-10T15:34:00.001-04:00

#110: Abby the Bad Sport

This book has no redeeming value. There's a lot of talk about soccer and being a team player, and not a single trip to the Washington Mall. I hated it and I would like to have those forty-five minutes of my life back, or reparations* in the form of Madewell gift cards.

At least there was an outfit to go with the standard-issue character introductions.

"Claudia often wears her art on her sleeve - almost literally. On this, my first Monday back at the BSC, for example, she was in a little crop-top muscle shirt that she had batikked green and blue. She'd sewed a bunch of buttons up the front as if it were a vest. She also had on skinny black shorts, one blue sock and one green sock, and black Doc Martens with one blue shoelace (on the foot with the green sock) and one green shoelace (on the foot with the blue sock). Her long black hair had been gathered into a single braid. A blue ribbon with more buttons attached to it was woven into the braid. Her earrings? Buttons, naturally."

Love the sock/shoelace switch-up. Very Clarissa Explains it All. Oh, and let's pretend the socks were thigh-highs, even though we all know Mama Kishi would not be feelin' that. Oh! And let's make the shorts leather. So 2010!

We also have some team spirit from the BSCers, who come to all of Abby's games. They're good friends. I would have told Abby that her sport was boring and I'd support her by meeting her later for a Seinfeld marathon, after she'd gotten all of that running and kicking out of her system.

"Claudia has decorated an oversized T-shirt for the occasion with purple-and-white soccer balls and had made earrings to match. Kristy was wearing a purple baseball hat covered with buttons. Stacey wore a purple silk T-shirt, and Mary Anne was wearing a purple striped shirt. Jessi had on a purple leotard [of course she did], while Mallory was wearing purple-and-white-striped socks and a white hat with a booster button on it."

Dude, the Unicorn Club is going to be so mad when they hear that the babysitters are wearing their signature color.

* Yes. Reparations from Ann M. Martin and her army of ghostwriters. You'd want them too if you'd read this crap.

2010-09-08T13:19:00.008-04:00

Fashion Mystery Solved: Claudia's Ballet Slipper Fixation

Remember how often Claudia's outfits involved ballet slippers? Sometimes customized? Stacey talked about Claud's sneaker collection, but inquiring minds really wanted to know about the ballet slippers. I took ballet classes as a child* (didn't we all?) and I could not wrap my head around the concept of anyone wearing those things in public. I mean, they're very cute and comfortable once they've been broken in, but they're super thin leather with a suede sole. They can barely handle a year on the wooden floor of a dance studio. How was she commuting to Stoneybrook Middle School in those things?

My theory was that she either only wore them inside her bedroom or it was a semantic issue -- Ann M. Martin was actually trying to describe ballet flats, and her limited fashion vocabulary caused her to use dance shoe terminology.

Then I saw this entry on No Fashion Victims and nearly did a pas de bourrée of joy. I'd recognize that peach-y nude shade anywhere!

The perfect hybrid of dance shoe and real world flat. They exist. Topshop makes them. And they look super cute with boyfriend jeans. Go make your Kishi fashion dreams come true.

* I was no Jessi, unless Jessi was small and pointy and often had underwear bunching issues with her leotard. Also once in a while I got sent out of the room for fooling around too much. What a shocker.

2010-09-08T13:19:00.002-04:00

Mystery #11: Claudia and the Mystery at the Museum

This isn't a recap blog, but I often talk a little bit about plot in my book entries. Don't expect much of that for the mysteries. I really dislike them, and I've talked about why in past entries.

That said, I'm glad I got my hands on this one. Not because of the plot (it's stupid). The cover, however, more than makes up for the detective-y hijinks. And we get FOUR Claudia outfits. They're all amazing.

1. "I love to put outrageous outfits together, and I hate looking like everyone else. I mean, I do wear trendy clothes, like leggings and big slouchy socks and Doc Marten boots, but I always add my own touches so that I stand out from the crowd. For instance, earrings I've made myself, or a big belt that I found in a thrift store. I also like to play around with my hair. One day I'll wear it in a French braid, and the next day it'll be in a ponytail on the top of my head.

That Sunday, my hair was in a long braid hanging down one side of my head [hey! Me too! Right now!], with red ribbons threaded into it [oh. Damn. Bested again.]. I was wearing a red-and-white striped shirt that hung down almost to my knees, red leggings, and black high-top sneakers. Even though I wasn't planning on going anywhere that afternoon, I had put some thought into my outfit. That's just the way I am."

2. "I had dressed up a little, in pink lace leggings and a long black sweater. My hair was tied back with a pink ribbon, and I was wearing pink ballet-type flats."

As seen on the cover!

Related: wise words from Blair Waldorf. Yeah. Honestly, Kishi. And while we're on the topic of Gossip Girl, I watched a season 4 promo and got all excited (smut! babies! fashion! petty bitchiness! Chuck Bass!), even though I totally know better. I refuse to fall for the CW's shenanigans this time. Your fancy trailers and excellent font choices can't fool me, Schwartz.

3. "'Forget about the mystery! [Seriously, word.] This will be my first formal party, I'm going to meet a famous artist - and I have no idea what to wear!'

'You look nice in what you have on now,' said Kristy. 'Why don't you just wear that?'

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a pair of bright red leggings topped by a white man-tailored shirt and a vest that used to belong to my father. Only Kristy would think my outfit qualified as 'formal'."

3½. (closet search) "Stacey pulled out a black velvet dress. 'How about this?' she asked.

I shook my head. 'Boring,' I said.

She nodded and threw it on the bed. 'What about these silk pants?'

'Are pants okay at a formal party?' asked Mary Anne doubtfully. 'You don't want to look like a kid who doesn't know how to dress.'

'Ditch the pants,' I said immediately.

Stacey pulled outfit after outfit out of my closet. I have a lot of clothes, but nothing seemed right. Most of them are fine for school, or even for special events like dances or parties. But nothing looked right for a party like this one. A grown-up party.

'You look terrific in this,' Stacey said, holding up a bright blue sweater-dress.

'Thanks,' I said. 'But it's not right, either.'

'Do you think I could borrow it?' she asked."

Focus, Stacey.

4. "'What's this?' Stacey asked, reaching into the back of the closet and coming out with a long, silky pale green robe embroidered in gorgeous colors. . .

. . . I took off my vest and shirt, and slipped on the kimono. The silk felt soft and light against my skin. It seemed to float around me. I tied the sash (which Mimi called an 'obi') around my waist and stood up straight.

'Wow,' said Mary Anne softly.

'Awesome,' said Stacey. 'You look totally awesome.'

I walked to the mirror to see for myself. The green and blue colors of the kimono set off my black hair, and the long, fluttering sleeves looked romantic. For half a second, I saw Mimi's face instead of mine in the mirror, and I felt tears come to my eyes."

Spoiler alert: the janitor did it. There you go. That's the kind of crook who would steal art, apparently.

2010-09-07T12:06:00.007-04:00

The Devil's In Your Details

1. Digby and Iona stump ring 2. Gap flares, Jeffrey Campbell Charli clogs 3. Banana Republic venus lure necklace

2010-08-31T10:35:00.003-04:00

I've Got Theories: Claudia's Future Career Path

We all know Claudia wants to be an artist when she grows up. But that's so vague. Like, I went around telling people I was going to be a writer when I was a kiddo. And I could say that I've been employed as a writer . . . if writing technical documentation counts. (I still can't believe Scholastic turned down the manuscript I sent them. Sure, I was eight. It was still an amazing piece of work.) So it's theory time: what would Claudia be doing today?

We're living in rough times, employment wise; we've gotta take a worst case scenario into account. I'm gonna say that the worst case scenario finds Our Fashionable Heroine wearing an apron and working at Michael's or A.C. Moore. She'll take solace in discounted art supplies and probably five finger discount herself the most complete set of oil paints you've ever seen (slouch socks are a handy shoplifting tool).

Best case scenario? I've joked in the past that she'd probably be a member of the Haus of Gaga, so I'm going to roll a bit further with the design team theory. I was checking out Marina and the Diamonds' music videos and (oh my lord) they are so Claudia.

The bright pastel candy colors and pop art stylings of Oh No! (below) are totally something Claudia would come up with after eating a ton of candy buttons. Could it be that our girl has found employment as a quirky music video concept artist*?

Second piece of evidence: Claudia loves glitter and makeup, right? Think about it.

*Probably not, because she is fictional.

2010-08-27T21:48:00.001-04:00

#1: Kristy's Great Idea

Back in 2007, I excerpted a passage from the book that started it all. Makes sense, right? The very first book of the series, my very first entry. Today, we revisit. No fashion left behind, that's my promise to you.

Kristy (who is so awesome in this book, especially during the incident that leads to a 100 word essay on decorum in the classroom) tells us that "Claudia has never been a close friend, and this year, the gap between us seems to have widened just since school started. Even though we're all seventh-graders, Claudia suddenly seemed . . . older. She talks about boys, and spends most of her time adding to her wardrobe and talking on the phone. In the short time since school started, she's become a different person." Aw.

The outfit from this scene "short, very baggy lavender plaid overalls, a white lacy blouse, a black fedora, and red high-top sneakers without socks. Her long black hair was carefully arranged in four braids."

Poor Kristy is baffled by Claudia's experiments with makeup:

"'Are you going to wear that' - I pointed to her face - 'to school tomorrow?'

'If I can get away with it.'

I nodded. Claudia's parents are very conservative. They don't understand her taste in clothes at all. They're pretty nice about the fedoras and stuff, although they won't buy any of those things for her. (That's why she has to baby-sit - to earn money for all that stuff.) But I didn't know how the Kishis would react to Claudia's day-glo face. I didn't know how our teachers would react, either."

I dig this bit of characterization, too -- that babysitting for Claudia is a means to an end. And that end is glittery slouch socks and spandex bike shorts. Love this bitch.

"Claudia answered it again, this time wearing a baggy yellow-and-black checked shirt, black pants, red jazz shoes, and a bracelet that looked like it was made from a telephone cord. Her earrings were dangling jointed skeletons that jumped around when she moved. I noticed she wasn't wearing any makeup.

'Mom and Dad wouldn't let me,' she said.

'Well, you got away with the skeletons.'

Claudia grinned. 'I didn't put those on until I got to school,' she whispered. 'Mimi's the only grown-up home now and she doesn't mind if I wear skeletons.'

'Oh, very sneaky!' Claudia knows every trick."

Damn straight she does.

When Stacey McGill is introduced to us, she's wearing "a pink sweat shirt with sequins and a large purple parrot on the front; short, tight-fitting jeans with zippers up the outsides of the legs; and pink plastic shoes. She was very pretty, tall and quite thin with huge blue eyes framed by dark lashes, and fluffy blonde hair that looked as if it had been permed recently. I glanced at Mary Anne. She and I were still in our school clothes - skirts and blouses*. I was wearing white knee socks and loafers. Mary Anne was wearing short white socks and saddle shoes. Mary Anne's hair was, of course, in braids, and I was wearing a blue hair band.

We looked like second-graders. Stacey and Claudia looked like models."

I like this Stacey much better than the Stacey of later books -- the 'classy' Stacey who insists on wearing turquoise trousers and shopping in sections called 'Young Sophisticate'. Come on, Stacey. More jellies and skinny jeans, please.

When Stacey meets Sam Thomas, she's "wearing a matching top and skirt made of gray sweat shirt material with big yellow number tens all over it. Her hair was pinned back with clips shaped like rainbows. Little silver whistles were dangling from her ears. It was all very cool, but it seemed kind of young-looking."

But Sophisticated Stacey is already starting to emerge . . . or at least, her wool pants obsession is: "'I went shopping at Bloomingdale's and bought this." She indicated the plaid wool pants she was wearing, which were held up with bright red suspenders. 'I got a matching hat, too.'"

First fight . . . and it devolves into fashion theory!:

"'Well, how do you think I feel, being lied to?' I shouted. 'Talk about tact. It made me feel like a little kid.'

'You are a little kid,' said Claudia. 'Look at how you're dressed.'

I looked. 'What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?'

'Really, Kristy, a sweater with snowflakes and snowmen on it? You look like a four-year-old.'

'Well, you've got sheep barrettes in your hair,' I yelled. 'You think they're adult?'

'Sheep,' Claudia informed me witheringly, 'are in.'

'Who cares? Everything's in sometime. First it was frogs, then pigs, now it's sheep. Maybe next week it'll be snowmen. And how do you expect me to keep up with that stuff, anyway? I don't have time for it.'

'That's because you and Mary Anne are too busy playing dolls.'

'Doll!' I yelled. (Mary Anne looked as if she'd been slapped in the face. I knew she was going to start crying soon, and it only made me angrier.) 'We do not play with dolls!' The thing is, though, that we just gave them up over the summer."

Seriously, Kristy is so great in this book! I can't believe she only got 42 votes. You guys have been blinded by your desire to hide candy all over your bedroom and not get caught.

Later in the series (book #89: Kristy and the Dirty Diapers was the first release with the new design, and hell yes I remember that from being a kid) they re-released the books with new covers. The original image can be seen in What Claudia Wore's header, but I kind of love the new artwork as well. Let's take a look.

Kristy is wearing the outfit we expect her to wear (turtleneck, sweater, jeans, visor) with a modern twist: Chuck Taylors! So fetch.

Mary Anne is very O.G. Mary Anne: blouse, skirt, loafers, braids.

Claudia is amazingly Claudia. Why couldn't the illustrators be this accurate on all the covers? We've got a side ponytail, three sets of beads (red, white, and purple), a black choker with a heart charm, two bangle bracelets, a yellow flowered tank dress, and sheer black tights. And let's not forget the candy bar. Frickin' magnificent.

Stacey is the worst of the bunch. Sure, she's sporting some Swedish Hasbeens, but she's also wearing some weird floral pants more suited to Mary Anne's Little House on the Prarie stylings. Whatever. Please note that her soda is clearly labeled DIET. This illustrator was not skimping on the details.

* So weird to think of Kristy in anything other than those damn turtlenecks, but I do think she looks very cute (and very young) on the original cover. That's definitely the kind of look I was rocking when I was her age. I remember I had an overall dress and pink mock turtleneck that I thought were so grown up.

2010-08-27T12:31:00.003-04:00

Shopbop Giveaway: We Have a Winner!

378 comments later, we have a winner. I used a random number generator to pick the winning comment, because I'm fair like that. You know I'm fair, because my girl Helen won, and her favorite babysitter is Stacey. I don't even like Stacey.

So congratulations Helen! Thanks to all of you for entering and to Shopbop and Juicy Couture for sponsoring the giveaway. I tallied up your responses, and though I can't promise I didn't miss a few or count someone's answer twice (many of you had multiple favorites, or a different favorite now than you did during your youth), here's the unofficial "favorite babysitter" results.

Claudia was the runaway winner, with 163 votes.

Stacey was your second favorite - she got 74 votes, followed by:

Mary Anne: 62 votes

Dawn: 46 votes

Kristy: 42 votes

Mallory: 13 votes

Jessi: 7 votes

Abby: 6 votes

Apparently What Claudia Wore readers don't care for asthmatics from Long Island who show up in book #89 to spice up the club with bad puns and twin switches. Maybe you'd stopped reading by then. Judging by the quality of the book I'm reviewing now (#107: Mind Your Own Business, Kristy!*), that was probably a wise move on your part.

* Yep, that's the actual title.

2010-08-19T14:02:00.006-04:00

#5: Dawn and the Impossible Three

So little fashion, but this book makes up for it by being one of the best in the series. I have a huge soft spot for the first seven books of the series -- I think they're really sweet and well-written and more nuanced than everything that follows. The characters haven't turned into caricatures of themselves yet (unfortunately, it doesn't take long) and they're more believably adolescent.

Ann M. Martin hasn't gotten to the point of recapping everyone's entire family history in each book - we just get a brief paragraph about each of the main characters. Dawn tells us that Claudia "hates school, but loves art and mystery stories. She's a little bit hard to get to know." I'm a little disappointed that the writing team dropped this aspect of Claudia's personality -- kind of aloof, a little bit of a loner. It's talked about a lot more in the early books.

Historic moments in BSC fashion: Mary Anne wears jeans for the first time in this book.

". . . Since he no longer buys her clothes, you should see what Mary Anne gets with her money. She doesn't look like Claudia or Stacey, who wear these really wild outfits such a tight black pants and Day-Glo shirts, but, well, for instance, at that very moment as we walked across the Kishis' lawn, Mary Anne had on her first sweat shirt and her first pair of jeans ever. She looked terrific!"

Finally, some fashion. And some very normal, pre-teen insecurity from our California Girl.

"Stacey trotted over to me, looking as fabulous as always. She was wearing a simple pink T-shirt under a baggy jumpsuit with big pink and red flowers all over it. Her permed hair bounced over her shoulders. I was wearing blue jean shorts and a white T-shirt that said GENIUS INSIDE. I looked ordinary next to Stacey."

Luckily for Dawn's ego, her style is so in right now - check out Madewell's current looks for more California Casual styling.

I really do like that shirt. First clogs, now denim on denim ensembles . . . dammit Dawn, you win again!

2010-08-18T15:22:00.005-04:00

Odds & Ends & Side Ponytails

1. "My mom was crying in the front seat and if you knew my dad you’d know he never goes above the speed-limit, it’s just like one of those “never happens” scenarios, which I would probably ascribe to the fact that his daily dose of Valium that he thought he was hiding so well from the rest of the family had been dumped down the drain earlier in the week and replaced with Blue M&M’s. My mom’s Prozac prescription? Tiny crushed up pieces of Certs, inserted carefully back into gel-cap casings after I dumped out all her Happy Pills and let the Newton’s dog lick it up off the floor. Without their carefully regulated diet of feelings, my family was on the verge of a major meltdown."

Drew Grant is back with another perverse look at the BSC, Bret Easton Ellis style. Check out Chapter 2 (Claudia's Candy War) over at crushable. If you got here from there (thanks for the link, Drew!) welcome to a place where fashion and nostalgia collide. And by fashion I mostly mean shoe porn and ghostwriter descriptions of earrings made from dollhouse chairs and soda tabs.

2. Claudia would: check out these ridiculous Docs from the Sanrio collection. My thirteen year old self would have been so excited to know these existed. Shit, my twenty six year old self is still kinda into it.

3. Kristin Clifford exposes the truth about the passage of time in Stoneybrook: the girls are actually ageless, Children of the Corn-y cannibals. At least, that's what I took from Fan Fiction: Forever 13. And you know what? It's a valid theory.

4. A great entry about minimalism on my friend Whitney's blog inspired yet more purging (I guess I don't really need to save the tag from my first pair of skinny jeans, or that 2009 issue of SPIN with Lily Allen on the cover). During my sorting, I found a picture from 1991 that I needed to share.

I'm on the right, feeling fly as hell with my Claudia-inspired side ponytail.

5. I'll be randomly picking a winner at the end of the week, but there's still time to enter the What Claudia Wore Shopbop giftcard giveaway. I've loved reading all of the entries so far. Oh, and while I expected a lot of Stacey and Claudia, I had no idea Mary Anne was such a fan favorite. Maybe I should go easier on her?

Nah.

6. As always, you can get smaller doses of my very deep thoughts (lately they include irrational anger at the idiots in the Big Brother house and complaints about my menstrual cycle. Seriously, I'm like the new Shakespeare.) on twitter and keep up with What Claudia Wore via bloglovin. I'm expecting some new BSC books any day now, including some Abby-narrated tomes and classic mysteries (Claudia and the Mystery at the Museum, anyone?). It's about to get mad fashionable (and punny, thanks to Abby's sparkling sense of humor) in here.

2010-08-11T11:31:00.003-04:00

Kristy Thomas, American Psycho Babysitter

". . .There is nothing more depressing than coming home after last bell at StoneyBrook High, trying to get my room in order for the Baby-Sitters’ Club meeting, and then realizing that you really don’t even give a shit anymore. Like, sorry that you have diabetes Stacey, but do we have to spend half the afternoon discussing it? And yeah, it really bums me out to watch Claudia just snort up half those Pixie Stixs when she is so blatantly trying to get attention to her sugar problem, but every time we try to talk to her about it she says she needs it to focus on her art and that her super-strict Asian parents are coming down on her ass again so what’s the point, really? This whole club is really getting to be a drag but whatever, I started the project . . ."

Best thing you've read all week (that is, if you haven't seen it already): Crushable's Drew Grant re-imagines the Babysitters Club in the style of Bret Easton Ellis. Thanks to @annarosekerr and Courtney Summers for sending me the link.

2010-08-10T11:34:00.003-04:00

#88: Farewell, Dawn

Note that the cover has to clarify: this isn't one of their usual fake-out departures.

This time it's for good. Unlike that time we had Stacey move back to New York. Or that time Mallory had to leave the club because she got mono. Or that other time Dawn went back to California. Or that time Stacey quit the club and then realized she wasn't quite sophisticated enough for shoplifting or underage drinking. This one's for real. Seriously. We promise. We're giving her a spinoff series and everything. There'll be underage drinking for you sophisticated types!

Journeys deep into the minds of the geniuses at Scholastic: one of my specialties.

Ann's Army of Ghostwriters wastes no time on exposition -- Dawn realizes she wants to move back to California (she is inspired by an avocado*) by the end of the first chapter. The rest of the book is a painfully boring fight between her and Mary Anne, who feels jilted by the fact that Dawn told some of the other BSC members first. Mary Anne ends up hearing the news through the proverbial grapevine** and she is pissed, in a really passive-aggressive way.

Obviously they make up right before Dawn leaves. Before you even have time to start missing her, Abby shows up in book #90. Because if there aren't seven babysitters present in Claudia's bedroom at 5:30 p.m. every Monday***, the world will spin off its axis. It's like punching in the numbers every 108 minutes. Except with babysitters.

Expository fashion: "[Mary Anne] smoothed her hair in my mirror. She was already dressed in blue and white plaid shorts and a blue T-shirt.

I pulled on a pair of white shorts and a short-sleeved flowered blouse, slipped into straw sandals, bent forward, then quickly brushed my long blonde hair. 'Ready!' I announced, tossing my hair back over my shoulders."

Oh Dawn. So casual. So California. This isn't the last time 'straw sandals' are mentioned in this book. Judging by the cover, I'm guessing Ghostwriter meant espadrilles.

Character introduction fashion: "Today [Claudia] was wearing a baggy, white, cotton jumpsuit that was cut wide and open at the sides and neckline [?]. Under it she wore two sleeveless T-shirts, one purple, one pink. She'd tied the jumpsuit with a belt she'd made from safety pins and beads, and she'd used fabric paint to create a jungle scene on the left leg of the jumpsuit. From her ears dangled two colorful wooden parrot earrings onto which she'd glued beads that matched the beads on her belt."

So zany! I give this outfit the What Claudia Wore Seal of Approval, which is stamped in neon green ink and accented with magenta glitter.

Nobody bothers telling Mallory or Jessi: "'Hi Dawn. I'm really, really sorry about telling Claudia,' [Kristy] said.

Claudia sat on her bed with her arms folded and looked at me guiltily.

'She was supposed to keep quiet about it,' added Kristy, scowling at Claudia.

'I thought Stacey would keep quiet. How was I supposed to know she'd go tell Robert?' Claudia mumbled with a sidelong glance at Stacey, who was sitting on the other end of the bed.

'I'll kill Robert,' said Stacey to me. 'Honest, I didn't expect him to shoot his mouth off to Logan.' . . .

. . . 'Mary Anne, the only reason I didn't tell you right away was because I was trying to think of the perfect words to explain why I was going,' I said, trying to explain.

At that moment, Mallory came into the room with Jessi behind her. 'Who's going? Where?' she asked.

'Dawn has decided to move to California for good,' Claudia told her.

'Really?' cried Jessi."

It's tough to be eleven. You can't babysit at night and you never get to hear the good gossip. It's like having a subscription to People magazine while your friends are all reading Oh No They Didn't.

Christmas in July fashion: "Naturally, Claudia put together the perfect outfit for the occasion - red shorts, a green vest over a white T-shirt, and sandals she'd laced up to her knees [!!] with criss-crossing red and green ribbon. Homemade papier-mâché Santa earrings completed the look."

Sad shopping with Sharon "Stoney" Spier fashion: "'I won't be around to treat you to these things until I see you again at Christmastime,' she said as she pulled a gauzy blue sundress in my size off a sales rack, which were the only racks where you could still find summer things. . . . The dress looked great. It had small pearly buttons down the front and it flared at the bottom, which was just about two inches above my knees. Mom bought it for me, along with a pair of new straw sandals and some carved wooden beads I liked."

Mending fences fashion: "Mary Anne opened the tissue and looked down at the necklace made of beads, colored glass, and polished stones. 'But Dawn, you love this necklace,' she objected. 'I do,' I agreed. 'But I want you to have it so you'll think of me when you wear it.'

Mary Anne opened her mouth as though she were about to argue with me about taking it, but she seemed to change her mind."

Or maybe she was going to say "but I don't LIKE this hippie shit, Dawn. Why couldn't you give me a nice gift certificate to J. Crew to remember you by?"

Bye Dawn. Don't forget to write. Or do. Whatever.

* I can't mock this. I am also inspired by avocados. Mostly to eat them, but sometimes to move across the country.

** California Raisins references: Dawn Read Schafer approved.

*** Dues day. Don't forget your dollar.

2010-08-08T13:31:00.004-04:00

Win a $100 Shopbop giftcard courtesy of Shopbop & Juicy Couture

The folks over at Shopbop, in collaboration with Juicy Couture (check out their velour collection - Stacey McGill AND Kristy Thomas approved), want to give away a $100 Shopbop giftcard to one lucky What Claudia Wore reader. Shopbop has an awesome collection of designers (helpful link for the underemployed: shop the sale section by designer) and I doubt you'll have any trouble finding something dibbly fresh.

As a starting point, here's a Claudia-approved statement necklace I found in Juicy Couture's on sale offerings. I bet it would look slammin' with a pair of silver lamé bicycle shorts, one of Mr. Kishi's button-downs, and those Jeffrey Campbell clog booties I love so much.

How to enter:

1. Leave a comment with your e-mail address and favorite BSC member.

2. Cross your fingers and wait patiently. Maybe pass the time by throwing a slumber party for six of your closest friends, complete with pizza, pigtails, and pillow fights.

2010-07-29T16:27:00.003-04:00

You Too Can Wear Mary Anne Spier Approved Florals

from left to right: Rococo leggings ($40), Rose skinnies ($90), Floral skinnies ($90), Tapestry leggings ($40), Premium digital hareems ($110).

2010-07-29T11:29:00.003-04:00

#60: Mary Anne's Makeover

I was so close to drawing little horns on the three sulking babysitters. At the very least, they could use a timeout, because they are acting like toddlers. It made this book a really annoying read. Also, Claudia is wearing a horrible outfit. I used to have to wear black skirts and loafers like that to chorus recitals. Where are the harem pants, the acid-washed jeans, the cowboy boots?

Pre-makeover Mary Anne wears "teal-colored stirrup pants and a bulky ski sweater with a colorful snowflake print, over a pink turtleneck."

Claudia "can put together the oddest collection of clothes - a slouch hat, a sequined vest, an oversized button-down shirt, stirrup pants, and lace-ip boots - and she looks stunning." And gets super hyped on lookbook!

Mary Anne wonders "how Claudia does it. Is she just beautiful, or can a person learn to look sensational?"

Post-haircut Mary Anne shops at Steven E, which is "one of the mall's fanciest clothing boutiques." And she "couldn't take [her] eyes off this outfit. It was a fiery red, off-the-shoulder crepe dress, with shirred sleeves, a fitted bodice, and skirt that flared to mid-calf. It was the kind of dress the old [Mary Anne] would never have dreamed of wearing." That's probably a good thing. I have to remind myself that this is the 90s, 'cause that dress sounds hideous.

New Mary Anne's Steven E haul: "the dress; some stockings and a pair of shoes to go with it; an oversized, indigo cable-knit sweater; and a pair of floral paisley print Lycra leggings with a French terry top."

The rest of the book is about the BSC throwing snitfits about Mary Anne deciding to cut her hair and wear makeup. In the end, it turns out they were mostly just mad she kept it a secret. Because god forbid anyone make a decision on their own. What a scary little hivemind they've developed in a single (constantly repeating) school year*!

And then they all go to the dance together.

Dawn wears a dress "made of black velvet, with a sheer bodice trimmed with beading and lace, and a flared, above-knee skirt. With black stockings and shoes, and her hair pulled up in a French braid, Dawn looked absolutely breathtaking."

A sheer bodice? That's some permissive California parenting right there. Or Sharon was too stoned to notice.

"There were other spectacular sights, too. Like Kristy Thomas trying to walk with heels in a long dress (she kicked them off about two minutes after she got to the gym). And Claudia Kishi, wearing a lamé outfit that was all sharp angles and flashy colors. [So Gaga!] And Stacey McGill, looking as if she had stepped out of a Hollywood movie in a slinky silk gown that belonged to her mother. [Permissive NYC parenting.] Her date was Sam Thomas, Kristy's older brother, who kept grossing people out with a rubber tarantula until Stacey asked him to stop."

I so wanted to date Sam Thomas when I was nine. He was totally dreamy.

* They were way cooler in the seventh grade.

2010-07-25T11:12:00.010-04:00

Super Special #13: Aloha, Baby-sitters!

These bitches. Last night Brian and I were talking about vacation spots, and I said that Hawaii would be pretty cool, and then today I remembered that (as usual) a bunch of fictional thirteen year olds are waaaay better traveled than I am.

This trip is some school excursion, and everyone* gets to go except for Mallory**, because she's practically a member of the Duggar family. (Okay, the Pikes are just rational people who were like "hmm, send our eleven year old on an expensive Hawaiian vacation? No thanks." As this is an extremely practical viewpoint, it is not shared by any of the other parents.) So the concept behind this book is that it's a travel journal put together by the more fortunate babysitters as a gift to Mallory. I don't know. If all of my best friends were going off on a trip together, I feel like maybe a better gift would be some new Fryes, not a scrapbook documenting the totally awesome times they had without me.

No wonder Mallory ends up fleeing Stoneybrook for boarding school.

In the introductions, we learn that Claudia buys "the ugliest junk at thrift shops and somehow turns it into cool outfits. Stacey wears great clothes, too, but her theory of fashion is more cool-at-the-store, cool-on-the-body. Her style is Young Sophisticate. (At least that's the name of the section she shops in at Bellair's department store.)"

Young Sophisticate? So that's where she's getting all those wool slacks.

We also learn that "if a study showed that grass was nutritious, Dawn would graze for her supper." Ah, Kristy. I feel like she and I would be really good -- steak-eating, denim-wearing -- friends. Maybe I would pull her aside for a talk about the dorky white sneakers and baggy socks.

Abby Stevenson's Patented Suitcase Packing Method: "I went to my dresser and removed the contents of Drawer Number One, and shoved it into the suitcase. All underwear and bathing suits. About three-quarters of Drawer Number Two (summer shirts) made it, and the same with Drawer Number Three (shorts, skirts). Then I human-vacuumed the bottom of my closet for shoes and dumped them in, too."

Customary "Claudia Is An Overpacker" Paragraph: "Claudia arrived last (surprise, surprise). We peered through the window as her family tried to load two enormous suitcases into the jammed cargo hold. It was like watching a pair of tardy hippos crowding onto Noah's Ark."

Poetic.

That's all the fashion you get in the text, so here are some notable plot points:

Abby gets cast in a sunscreen commercial, simply because she's hot and sporty. She pretends she's 18 and somehow everyone buys it.
Pearl Harbor gives Claudia a massive guilt complex about being Japanese. She's kind of a bummer to be around.
Stacey and a couple other SMS students get into a helicopter crash and are lost for a day or so. Naturally, this turns into a diabetic emergency.
Jessi spends so much time documenting the trip that she barely even gets to experience it.
Dawn cleans up a beach. She and Jessi both really need to learn how to relax.

Bonus fashion advice for poorly dressed thirteen year olds over on the tumblr.

* Including Dawn, who now lives in California. So she flew out to see her mom for the summer and then immediately decided to peace out and go to Hawaii instead. Such a kind, considerate young lady.

** Actually, Kristy doesn't go either. Why? Well, because Watson is taking the entire Thomas-Brewer clan to Hawaii later in the summer. So you can save your tears.

2010-07-22T16:56:00.005-04:00

I Guess Claudia's Working For Free People These Days

Remember her "dangly Native American beaded earrings" from book #71? She "made them [her]self from a bead pattern [she] saw in a museum." Well, she's either designing for Free People or is one of their buyers, 'cause check these babies out.

I have definitely seen that pattern in a museum, dudes.

So I had my suspicions. Then I checked out their shoe section (I know, you're shocked). And what did I see?

Yeah. That's right. Sandals with laces that wrap around your calves. More than one pair, in fact.

Case closed.

Pretty solid hiring decision on Free People's part, right? I mean, as long as they don't let her write any product descriptions.

2010-07-12T12:53:00.006-04:00

Comparing Closets with Claudia

Taking a break from unpacking (not sure this was the best time to reorganize my entire filing system) to say hello to my friends (you!). The house is coming along, with a few exceptions. One of those exceptions is the second bedroom, which is currently home to eventual yard sale items (who wants a really, really heavy television? anyone?). Some day in the future, it's gonna be my shrine to shoes.

It sounds a little excessive, I know. But the closet at my last apartment looked like this, only with less hidden candy:

So you can see why I'm relishing the opportunity to spread things out a little. By the way, this image is from Raina Telgemeier's adaptation of Claudia and Mean Janine, which is amazing. I wish there'd been more of those and less of these. (The larger version is on tumblr, blogspot is being wonky again.)

Until I get things under control in the bedroom, I'm only willing to share this corner.

Please note my complete collection of Super Specials, which are gonna need to go elsewhere if I buy any more heels. (Inevitable.)

2010-07-08T13:05:00.006-04:00

Starring Dakota Fanning as Stacey McGill

I just realized I haven't updated in almost a month. I did tell you guys I was moving, right? Shit, I don't think I did. I'm still in the immediate aftermath, which means I'm spending most of my time running around in my nightgown trying to get the house to look like "the place I live" and not "the place where I store my awesome collection of cardboard boxes." Also sometimes I take breaks for martinis and/or mexican food. But mostly it's house stuff.

Until things are a little more settled, I submit for your consideration a picture of Dakota Fanning at some sort of BSC fan convention. I guess she came dressed as Stacey McGill (so New York!). That's cool.

So . . . is she wearing all 188 accessory ideas in this picture? There is a lot going on here.

2010-06-11T08:20:00.002-04:00

Super Mystery #2: Baby-sitters Beware

This book is insane. There are like five different mysteries going on, and none of them really make all that much sense, and one of them ends with Mary Anne and Logan being like "hmm, I don't know, maybe it was a Cokie prank!" That's the resolution, seriously. This thing was hard to get through, and there wasn't even much fashion to compensate for the weak writing.

At least there was a hilarious cover pic. Pay attention, Andrew!

". . . for this early December meeting when most of us were in jeans and sweaters, Stacey (who is tall and on the thin side, with blonde hair and pale blue eyes) wore black leggings with cowboy boots, an oversized turtleneck sweater, and this cool black suede vest with pearl buttons. Claudia (who is Japanese-American with creamy, perfect skin, brown eyes, and long, straight black hair) was wearing leggings, too - purple ones - with black Doc Martens*, red slouch socks, black bicycle shorts over the leggings, a big t-shirt with the words "This Might Be Art" scrawled on it in purple (I knew she'd made it herself), and an old black suit jacket of her father's, with the sleeves rolled up. Stacey had gone for your basic gold earrings. Claudia's earrings were purple feathers (she made those herself, too)."

I would love a "This Might Be Art" t-shirt. I'd totally rock that outfit. From the waist up. I don't think I can get down with the leggings and bicycle shorts. I'll stick with my jeans.

Later, Stacey and Claudia take Mary Anne shopping for a big date with Logan. The outfit they come up with is not as exciting as the famous cities skirt outfit. There can only be one, folks.

"By the time we'd finished shopping, I added not a blue shirt but a very thin, lace-edged sweater to my wardrobe. I was going to wear it with a skirt, and one of Stacey's belts. I also bought new, patterned stockings, and Claudia promised to lend me a pair of earrings 'that would be awesome.'"

But what about the SHOES?!

* I think she means Dock Martins.

2010-06-10T18:15:00.003-04:00

But Claudia and I love Dock Martins!

Gawker got its hands on some internal memos regarding American Apparel's branding rules for retail workers. They are, as one would expect, fucking ridiculous. (I kind of agree that no one should wear Uggs ever, but I'm not going around making employment rules about it.)

I guess the good news is that they're looking for "late 80's - early 90's" looks, so Claudia and Stacey (but not Kristy!) would be more than welcome at one of their ~~cattle~~ casting calls.

Way to be, American Apparel.

2010-06-06T13:00:00.004-04:00

Need Supply: Claudia Would!

"Today, Claudia was wearing a casual (for her) outfit -- an oversized, cream-colored sweater and cuffed jeans. She'd cut holes into the sweater - she said it was part of her deconstructionist movement. (Kristy joked that it looked more like there'd been a moth movement in her closet.) Her necklace was made from strips of leftover fabric she'd braided together, and she finished the outfit with creamy lace up boots and a very acute black and white drawstring bag."

Similarly Claudia-approved items:

Snake corset tee

Bollinger t-strap heels

Tangerine ring

Snake hinge cuff

Minty nailpolish

Those boots are the business. Look away, Kim.

2010-06-04T13:41:00.005-04:00

Readers' Request: Shannon's Story

I don't know about you guys, but I certainly don't remember requesting a story about Shannon. Yes, fine, I did find her mildly intriguing -- she went to private school and had a "ski jump nose" (she supposedly wanted a nosejob to straighten it out) and fastidious handwriting. She was also the BSC member most likely to end up in rehab for amphetamine addiction, based on her insane, perfectionistic lust for academics and extracurriculars. Which would have made a much more interesting story.

Instead we get a story about Shannon's overbearing mother and absentee lawyer father and unhappy rich people family dynamics. Shannon is pissed at her mom for chaperoning the class trip to Paris (must be nice to be a Stoneybrook Day School student, huh?), so she decides to intentionally fail her French exam (she is quick to inform us that she could have aced it). This means she can't go on the trip and eventually she -- yawn -- learns a valuable lesson about how boring it is to be a stay at home mom.

Judging by this cover, one of her younger sisters is colorblind (green, red, and white Cosby sweater paired with a purple jean skirt? Girrrl, even Claudia wouldn't go there) and struggling with an eating disorder*. Rich people: they're just like you and me! Except when they cry, their housekeepers wipe away the tears. With hundred dollar bills.

Shannon also occasionally attends BSC meetings. You know, to remind herself how the little people live.

"Given Stacey's style, it's not surprising that Claudia is her best friend. As I said earlier, Claudia is an artist, with her own unique vision of the world (a vision that does not include liking school or being an honor role** student!) and of the clothes she wears. For example, today Stacey looked ultra-city in black: black leggings, a black sweater, a big black belt with an oversized buckle, black Doc Martens, and her hair pulled back with a black and gold scarf that picked up the gold of the gold chain earrings she was wearing.

Claudia was beyond the city, maybe into outer space and looking outrageous, artistically terrific: an enormous pair of pants held up with a man's belt and a pair of neon purple suspenders, an enormous purple t-shirt over a tie-dyed long-underwear top, her long black hair pulled into a braid clipped at intervals with little-kid barrettes, and these dangly peace sign earrings."

So, wait. Does the enormous purple t-shirt just kinda blouse out around the suspenders? How does THAT work? I have so many questions about so many of Claudia's ensembles, which is a sure sign that it's time to up my dosage.

* Her legs are seriously freakin' me out here. At first I thought my scanner had somehow distorted the image, but that's really what the cover looks like. Also, I'd like to point out that Shannon only has one foot. Troubling.

** I believe they were looking for 'honor roll' here. But I could be wrong, I didn't attend Stoneybrook Day School.

2010-05-28T13:29:00.003-04:00

Some Shoes Deserve Their Own Epic Ballad

For example, I can't look at my new clogs without cooing Peter Cetera's Glory of Love. I am the man who will fight for their honor!

I have always needed them.

I could never make it alone.

2010-05-26T15:07:00.008-04:00

What if the BSC Just Stayed In and Watched Some TV for a Change?

These girls are just not passionate about television. I call foul. When I was a freshman in high school (only one year older than Our Heroines), I discovered the X-Files and lost a couple years of my life. The proof is in the pudding, and 'the pudding' equals lots of eBayed posters and novels and other embarrassing paraphernalia*. And I feel like that's pretty standard adolescent behavior. I mean, I know they're entrepreneurial and busy loving kids and all, but didn't they ever wanna lie around watching Saved By the Bell and eating ice pops?

I found a note on my iPod today that I'd completely forgotten about, written in the middle of a sleepless night, titled Tv shows bsc would watch. Some of the notes are so shorthandified that I can't quite figure them out (there's a bit about 'horses' and 'The Ring' that I think was supposed to lead to a humorous paragraph about my fear of horses and inability to sleep after watching horror films, so please pretend to laugh** even though I no longer remember the intended jokes), but the gist of it is there.

Feel free to submit your own theories on the girls' favorite shows.

Kristy: Parks and Recreation. She is Leslie Knope. (Who is amazing.) I have to take a moment to praise the hell out of this show. I was really unimpressed with the first season but am totally in love with the second. They've really hit their stride, and I was disappointed to hear that it's not returning to NBC until mid-season. It was like watching DJ Roomba die all over again.

Mary Anne: Grey's Anatomy. I had some jokes here about how lame this show is, and a note to self about "no statute of limitations on mocking lame tv shows", but I'm letting it go. It just seems like something she'd watch and sigh/cry over, doesn't it?

Stacey McGill: Gossip Girl. Obviously. Her dad even owns an apartment on the Upper East Side! Man, remember when that show was good? Miss you, boo. And why does Chuck Bass talk like Batman these days? Did something happen to his vocal cords? He didn't sound like that first season.

Dawn Schafer: Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution or Ghost Hunters. She can't pick a coast to live on. She probably wouldn't be able to pick a favorite show either.

Mallory Pike: Vampire Diaries. Apparently I picked this show because I wanted to joke about her writing a story about a vampire horse, but since I've forgotten the associated jokes (see above), I'm reneging and going with Jon & Kate + 8 for the relatability factor. I'm sure it would be a great comfort to her that A. her siblings are not sextuplets B. her parents are not Jon & Kate. I think we're all glad our parents aren't Jon & Kate.

Jessi Ramsey: So You Think You Can Dance. She laughs at Mary Murphy's cheesy jokes.

Claudia Kishi: Veronica Mars. It's like Nancy Drew, but with less reading and more artsy camera angles.

* Also there were some poor hair color decisions, but that is neither here nor there.

** Like this: "Ha ha! She is scared of horses! Classic!" Thanks.

2010-05-18T17:44:00.002-04:00

#24: Kristy and the Mother's Day Surprise

Personally, I'm surprised that the other babysitters abandoned her with that horde of children. But maybe they couldn't bear to be seen with her in those jeans. Let's squint at them (the jeans, not the AWOL babysitters) in a concerned fashion.

Problems with Kristy's jeans:

1. the color

2. the waistline (Urkel-high)

3. the probable elastic waistband

4. the ankle sock-exposing cuffs

5. everything, just everything.

"My friends shifted position and I looked at them as I tried to figure out how to explain my great idea. Mallory, with her new short haircut, was sitting on the floor, leaning against Claud's bed. She was wearing jeans with zippers up the bottoms of the legs, and a sweat shirt that said STONEYBROOK MIDDLE SCHOOL across the front. In her newly pierced ears were tiny gold hoops.

Jessi was wearing matching hoops (I think she and Mal had gone shopping together), a purple dance leotard [it occurs to me that Jessi is courting some serious yeast infection issues with all these leotards, and also oh my god I can't believe I just wrote that], and jeans. Over the leotard she was wearing a purple-and-white striped shirt, unbuttoned.

On the bed, in a row, sat Mary Anne, Dawn, and Claudia, watching me intently. Mary Anne's hair was pulled back in a ponytail and held in place with a black-and-white checkered bow that matched the short skirt she was wearing. Around her neck was a chain and dangling from it were gold letters that spelled out MARY ANNE.

Dawn was wearing a necklace, too, only hers said I'M AWESOME. [Because nothing endears other people to you like going around advertising how damn awesome you are. In other news, I totally want this necklace.] Honest. Where had she gotten it? California, probably. And in her double pierced ears were hoops of different sizes. See what I mean about Dawn being an individual? Also she was wearing a fairly tame [California Casual] dress, but on her feet were plaid high-top sneakers.

Then there was Claudia. She was wearing a pretty tame dress, too - with a red necktie! Then, she had on a these new, very cool roll socks. When she pushed them down just right [Just right? Is it that hard? Did they come with an instruction booklet?], they fell into three rolls. The top roll was red, the middle one was peacock blue, and the bottom one was purple. She looked as if she were wearing ice-cream cones on her feet. In her hair was a braided band in red, blue, and purple, like her socks. And dangling from her ears were - get this - spiders in webs. Ew. (But they were pretty cool.)"

Kristy was wearing her uniform. Of course. So I chose to move on to more fabulous fashion.

"She rememberized* the first time she ever met Claudia. It was the beginning of seventh grade - I think it might even have been the first day of school - and they ran into each other in the hallway. I mean, ran right into each other. Each of them was kind of mad because the other was dressed in such cool clothes - and each wanted to be the coolest. But they calmed down and became very close friends."

There's another version of this story in which they're mad because they were both wearing the same sweatshirt. Unless I just made that up, which is entirely possible. Sometimes when I go too long between entries, I start dreaming about used bookstores and BSC books that didn't actually exist. I'm always like "wow, I never even KNEW there was a lost Super Special in which the girls run the Boston Marathon!" and then I'm disappointed when I wake up.

"Now, here's a big difference between them and me. That morning, I dressed in my jeans and running shoes, a t-shirt with a picture of Beaver Cleaver on it, and my collie dog baseball cap. Then I added my SHS (Stoneybrook High School) sweat shirt that used to belong to Sam, since the weather would probably be chilly in the morning.

Stacey, however, put on a tight-fitting pink jumpsuit over a white t-shirt, lacy white socks, and those plastic shoes. What are they called - jellies? And Claudia wore a pale blue baggy shirt over black-and-blue leopard-spotted pants that tied in neat knots at her ankles. On her feet she wore purple high-tops. And they both wore all this jewelry and these accessories, like big, big earrings, and headbands with rosettes on them, and nail polish. Claudia even wore her snake bracelet. Honestly, what did they think we were going to do? Enter a fashion show?

Oh, okay, I'll admit it. They looked great. And I was a teeny bit jealous. I wouldn't even know how to dress the way they do."

That could be a good thing.

I've come up with another motto (remember my last one? Better Than Jeopardy? It really caught on) for the blog. What Claudia Wore: I'm Huge In Australia.

Okay, maybe that's not, um, exactly true. But Jo of Oxfam Australia's 3things thinks I'm pretty cool. Which is practically the same thing. Check out her interview with me, in which I pontificate on environmentally friendly fashion & our favorite babysitter.

* "which was an old word of hers meaning 'to remember something really well.'" Oh, Stacey.

2010-05-15T13:43:00.007-04:00

Hopelessly Devoted To Shoe

I'm moving this summer, for the third time in three years. I'm starting to get into move mode, which for me means months and months of freakin' out and packing (and then unpacking and repacking) and sorting, endless sorting. There is a method to my madness, I'm sure. I just don't exactly know what that method is.

In preparation, I've been doing a slow, methodical purge of my wardrobe. It's happening in waves. A few weekends ago I went through my shoe collection and got rid of 17 pairs. I suspect I will be purging more in the months to come -- it's just hard to let go all at once. Anyway, this means that I can spend some time happily window shopping, right? As long as I don't buy anything until I'm settled. (Expect pictures of my bedroom-closet when that happens. There's gonna be necklaces everywhere! A bookcase devoted to my Fryes! Etc.!)

But yeah . . . in the meantime it's all sweet dreams of new oxfords and clogs (and media centers from Pottery Barn).

Frye Erin oxford, $168

Frye Hutch shootie, $178

Anthropologie Come Together heels, $190

Anthropologie Wild Blooming clogs, $148

2010-05-06T18:44:00.006-04:00

Kristy Thomas Approves Of This Post

I'm no Claudia. Every morning I wage a war with my alarm clock. I'd rather sleep late than spend my precious morning minutes putting together my best Ms. Frizzle look. Which means I milk the snooze function for all it's worth, then frantically pull on whatever items of clothing are closest (some days, this is unfortunately self-evident). For this reason, I love me some skinny jeans. They are my version of Kristy's omnipresent cornflower blue pegged jeans.

And I've finally found the perfect pair.

It took forever, and I had to spend a decent amount of cash to do it. Listen, I'm not short. I'm about 5'6", a bit taller than the average woman*. However, pair after pair of jeans were giving me what I like to refer to as the jegwarmer effect. You know exactly what I'm talking about -- skinny jeans bunching around your ankles because they're too damn long, creating an awkward legwarmer of denim.

Enter James Jeans' Twiggy.

They are a stretchy denim miracle. No jegwarmer effect! They boast a perfect 29.5" inseam. I own two pairs - China Doll (as sported by Lily Allen at the V Festival) and Sway (which I'm wearing above). They fit like a glove and are amazingly comfortable. I'm also really impressed by their resiliency - they don't bag out at the knees and butt like my cheaper skinnies tend to do after a few wears. Like I said, stretchy denim miracle.

Oh, by the way, they're not paying me to write this or anything. I just really love these jeans. And I'm probably not the only girl who's sick and tired of wearing jegwarmers. So, you know, public service announcement.

* This is an actual footnote, for once: a 2002 survey by the National Center for Health Statistics puts the average height of an American woman at 5 feet 3.8 inches. Thanks, google!

2010-05-06T17:23:00.002-04:00

#83: Stacey vs. the BSC

In this corner: your friends! Say hello to them!

And in this corner: the most sophisticated damn teenager to ever grace the state of Connecticut! She wears turquoise wool slacks, people!

I was very moved by this book back in 1995. I mean, secretly moved. Because there was no way you could've gotten me to publicly admit that I read it. I was all "wow. This is truly the end of an era." This book was my Kennedy assassination. Devastating.

So, yeah, Stacey quit. And/or was fired, depending on which fictional character you're siding with. Annnnnd then she rejoined the club four books later. What a drama queen. Oh, and then Dawn jetted off to California one book after that! And then Abby showed up out of nowhere, like the unwelcome reappearance of Angelina "Trash Bags" Pivarnick on the Jersey Shore reunion special.

Lotta turnover for the BSC in such a short span of time. Also, how pissed am I that Trash Bags is back for season 2? She's gonna have to beat up the beat pretty damn hard to win me over. (I'm sure she's concerned.)

"Anyway, Claudia the Chocoholic is thin, blemish-free, and stunning. She's Japanese-American, with gorgeous jet-black hair and almond-shaped eyes. And her outfits are as abstract as her paintings. That day, for example, she was wearing this super-baggy men's shirt that must have once belonged to a sumo wrestler, enormous light wool black trousers gathered at the waist with a silken sash, and old work boots. Her hair was pulled back with a barrette in the shape of a set of teeth. Very original, very cool."

Kishi, Lady Gaga would like to know if she can borrow your teeth barrette. Also, Claudia is so damn fashion forward. Replace the work boots with a pair of YSL pumps, and this is an outfit straight out of Karla's Closet. (Maybe minus the teeth barrette.)

"My mom raced into my bedroom, holding a pair of crisp, turquoise, light-wool slacks. 'Here they are!'"

See. Told ya. I bet you don't wear crisp turquoise light-wool slacks on your dates. That's because you're not sophisticated like Stacey. Sorry.

2010-04-15T11:23:00.006-04:00

The Early 90s: A Very Fashionable Era Of My Life

Thanks to facebook photos, I can now provide content and embarrass myself at the same time. So today's entry is devoted to photos of me as a scrawny blonde with a serious BSC fixation (not pictured). I remember realizing (this was in fourth grade, I think) that if I wanted to, I could read books at lunch. I didn't have to talk to anyone if I didn't feel like it! This was truly a revelation, one that probably coincided with a particularly exciting Unicorn Club book.

Here I am (third row, seated fifth from left) wearing an outfit picked by Richard Spier. The fact that my hair is curly means that I spent the previous night sleeping with a head full of foam rollers. Comfortable! I'd be willing to bet that the three red buttons on the dress bib are heart shaped. I'm gonna pretend that this was my tribute to Jenny Prezzioso. Really, it's just that my mom was a sucker for super girlie dresses*, and I was too busy reading books and being peanut-sized to realize I looked like a porcelain doll.

Here I am again, front and center for the fourth grade chorus photo. (I have the voice of an angel.**) Maybe because the photographer was so taken by my floral leggings-and-turtleneck combination that he was like "you! Little girl! That cardigan is totally rad! Come forth so we can bask in the glory of your ensemble!" But probably because I was short.

Some of you might be waiting for me to comment on the other little fashion plates in these photos. But I'm not going to, because some of these people have found me on facebook. So there's a small possibility they might be reading this, and I don't want to worry about making enemies. Then again, I will probably never see those people again, as I don't plan on attending any high school reunions. There are two important reasons behind this: 1. I have a shockingly bad memory and would not be able to reminisce appropriately. 2. I have an irrational fear of attending a real-life version of Liz Lemon's high school reunion.

Anyway. Sorry if this was too much fashion for one entry. It's kind of overwhelming, I know.

* These days, she mostly just despairs over the blandness of my wardrobe. "It's okay to wear color, Kim," she says. B. likes to bring this up whenever we're out shopping and I'm adding more grey t-shirts to my collection.

** No I don't.

2010-04-06T17:33:00.006-04:00

What Claudia Wore Turns Three

April 1st marked the blog's three year anniversary! Thanks to everyone who's been a part of this project - your links, comments, and e-mails make my day on the regular. To celebrate, I went through the archives and compiled a list of my favorite entries. They used to be some of your favorite entries too, but my comments are still AWOL (yes, I'm bitter). For those of you who are recent converts to the School of Claud, feel free to waste valuable hours of your life getting caught up. Just try not to get fired in the process.

2010

The Kishi Aesthetic Lives On, If Only in Nylon Editorials

Like You Didn't Already Know the Internet Is A Pretty Strange Place

2009

#37: Dawn and the Older Boy

A Moment with . . . woah! Woman, What Are You Wearing?

The Prodigal Blogger Returns*: Kristy's Worst Idea Revisited

#67: Dawn's Big Move

Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic

#65: Stacey's Big Crush

2008

A Moment with Kim: Actually, It's a Moment with Meghan and Half of TomKat

#51: Stacey's Ex-Best Friend

#14: Hello, Mallory!

A Moment with Kim: If the Babysitters Were Modern-Day Hipsters

A Moment with Kim: Get Out Your Sunscreen

A Moment with Kim: Haters to the Left

Super Special #8: Baby-sitters at Shadow Lake

Super Special #7: Snowbound!

2007

#21: Mallory and the Trouble with Twins

#71: Claudia and the Perfect Boy

#50: Dawn's Big Date

There's been a lot of BSC-related press recently, thanks to the recent release of the prequel. I'll point you to two articles that I was lucky enough to be involved in -- Monica Hesse's Baby-Sitters Club returns and Tali Yahalom's The Baby-Sitters Club's New Cult Following. Thanks to both for taking the time to chat with me! And thanks again to all of you for reading and playing along. Because you can always count on me*, and I can count on you.

* except for regular updates. You can't count on that.

2010-03-31T18:50:00.000-04:00

#78: Claudia and Crazy Peaches

"As an artist, I have this theory: if you can't eat it or wear it - paint it. That's what helped me decide to use the walls and ceiling of my room as my canvas. I also paint clothes (I tie-dye them, too) and shoes. I have several pairs of high-top sneakers that I decorated in glitter and puff paint. I even have a pair of ballet flats* that are entirely covered in red sequins. I call them my ruby slippers, after Dorothy's in The Wizard of Oz."

I don't know if I've ever loved her more.

"I really enjoy putting unusual combinations together. I'll wear suspenders backwards [this sounds incredibly uncomfortable] with tuxedo pants and a long sleeved T-shirt that I've tie-dyed myself. Or I'll cover an entire jean vest with tiny safety pins and funky plastic charms from a gumball machine and wear that with a jean skirt and bright red cowboy boots."

Sidebar: remember the episode of How I Met Your Mother where Ted is trying to prove to his friends that bright red cowboy boots are totally fashionable? And they're all like, "dude, no." And then he meets some random gay couple, and Ted solicits opinions, and the one guy just goes "Pulling. them. off." Remember that?

I have no point here. I just thought it was funny.

Plot, for those who had stopped reading by this point in the series: Claud's beloved Aunt Peaches is pregnant. She and her husband come to live with the Kishis while preparing to move to Stoneybrook. Peaches wants Claud to hang out with her 24/7, because she quit her job to focus on baby-growing and is understandably bored. Claudia and Peaches end up having a fight. Peaches has a miscarriage (um, unrelated). It's damn sad, as you would expect. (Example sad quote: "Russ took off his coat and held it in his lap as he sat on the arm of the couch. 'The doctors say that Peaches is absolutely fine, and this . . . this was just one of those things. They feel certain that we can try again.' Russ stared at his coat. 'Though I think we may wait quite awhile.'") Yeah. Heavy stuff for a book with an RL4 rating.

We should end on an up note, right?

"Friday. Usually it's the highlight of the week, right? Wrong! I think I had to listen to a lecture from every one of my teachers, including my PE teacher. She thought my sparkle socks were inappropriate for gym class."

Choose-your-own-weak-closing-joke:

A) "But the new kid, Edward Cullen, thought they were great!"

B) Who the hell is her gym teacher? Sue Sylvester?

*I found these Miu Miu ballet flats when I googled 'sequined ballet flats'. If I had $440 just lying around the apartment, they would already be mine.

2010-03-31T18:05:00.001-04:00

Things I Couldn't Afford On A Babysitter's Salary in 2008

I was going through old files when I found a wishlist I made back in March of 2008.

(My apologies for the lack of paperclip jewelry and flop socks in the above image.)

It's interesting to look at the colors/styles I was digging two years ago. Honestly, not much has changed in the past couple of years. I'm still really into neutrals and jewel tones, although I tend to wear a helluva lot more grey and black than you might guess from looking at this collage. I still love drapey cardigans and flowing tops. Urban Outfitters was my digital muse, but these days most of my online lusting happens at Need Supply or Anthropologie.

I did end up purchasing some of the items pictured here: the Old Navy lion tee (which is now looking kinda . . . sad. Quality matters, kids!), the Hunter boots, and the Jeffrey Campbell riser oxfords (in black). I ordered the Kat maryjanes (also in black), but I had to send them back because they were cut strangely and gave me massive toe cleavage. Which is a really disgusting phrase.

In other news, I'm (still) trying desperately to ignore my desire for Jeffrey Campbell's Charli clogs, which I mentioned in my last post. I imagine I'd end up in a corner, stroking them and muttering like a loon. Nobody wants that.

. . . but seriously, they're pretty badass, right? Do you think the Pikes are going to need a mother's helper anytime soon?

2010-03-23T18:50:00.006-04:00

#52: Mary Anne + 2 Many Babies

"She loves to experiment with her hair, braiding it, twisting it up, wearing ribbons and barrettes and ornaments [like, Christmas ornaments?] in it. And her clothes are outrageous. Her parents let her dress in what style she likes [and then slip J. Crew catalogs under her bedroom door]. A typical Claudia outfit might include a sequined shirt, stirrup pants (maybe black), low black boots, dangly turquoise earrings, and ribbons woven through tiny braids in her hair. And she wouldn't forget sparkly nail polish*."

I hope it was this sequined shirt. 'Cause I don't have $245 dollars, and maybe Claudia would let me borrow hers. Pretty fly, right? While we're at it, I hope she got her hands on those Chanel knockoffs by Jeffrey Campbell. I wear a size 6, Claud!

The plot of this novel is just, like, BABIES. Babies everywhere! My ovaries are sympathetic. As I was re-reading I noticed that Mary Anne decided she's too young for a child now (uhh, yeah) but that 25 seems like a good age. My ovaries were all "SEE? YOU'RE A YEAR LATE! GET MOVING!" So rude.

Anyway, part of the plot has to do with a Modern Living class in which the 8th graders have to pair up and parent a baby. As portrayed by an egg. Shades of Sweet Valley!

"'I don't know why you want to spend so much time with an egg,' Stacey said to me. She brushed her hair out of her eye.

I gasped. 'Sammie is my daughter!' I exclaimed.

Stacey made a face. 'Honestly, Mary Anne.'

Yeah. Honestly, Mary Anne.

* Public service announcement: that shit is a BITCH to get off.

2010-03-18T09:04:00.003-04:00

I Believe Claudia Would Spell It 'Pohpuree'

I found the Potpourri category on Jeopardy absolutely befuddling as a child. Just say Misc., Alex. Are you seriously too good for Misc.? Anyway, here's the What Claudia Wore version of the Potpourri category. Bonus: you don't have to answer in the form of a question! You don't have to answer at all! I told you this blog was better than Jeopardy*.

$200 I'm glad to know that Abby Stevenson lists me as a hilarious comedian. So meta!

$400 My current favorite style blog is The Owls Are Not What They Seem. And not just because of the Twin Peaks reference. Noel Vallens recently DIY-ed a candy necklace that screams Kishi. But, you know, a classier version of Kishi (sorry, Claud). If you're not already addicted to Noel & Joelle's outfit photos, go check 'em out immediately.

$600 You can now access this fine corner of the internet through whatclaudiawore.com. Now you no longer have to google "that blog about bsc fashion, you know, the one written by the crazy lady". You're welcome! The sad downside is that blogger is kinda shady about this whole custom domain thing. All my comments - my beautiful, funny, wonderful comments from all you nostalgia fiends - are gone. They will supposedly be restored by the end of the day. We'll see.

$800 VenusZine's Muses of the Moment dresses up the core four in trends from today.

$1000 Refinery29 featured What Claudia Wore in a killer article about weirdo fashion blogs (technical term!), 6 Style Blogs and Their Singular Obsessions. I was extremely flattered to be listed alongside such innovative blogs. Especially Should Be On The Nanny, because anyone who follows me on Twitter knows how I feel about The Nanny (in brief: she is a delightful, nasal angel to be revered forever).

* New slogan? What Claudia Wore used to be subtitled "a look into the closet of Stoneybrook's most fashion-forward babysitter". But maybe it's time for a new era. "What Claudia Wore: It's Better Than Jeopardy" has a really nice ring to it. Or maybe I've had too much caffeine this morning.

2010-03-13T11:34:00.001-05:00

The Kishi Aesthetic Lives On, If Only In Nylon Editorials

How this look would be described by Ann M. Martin and/or a ghostwriter: "Claudia has a really unique, really acute sense of style. For example, today she was wearing a teal-and-white striped tank top under a plaid button down shirt and a lime green cardigan. She pinned a flowery brooch to the cardigan, and was sporting an armload of bangles. I think she'd painted some of them herself. She completed the look with floral, knee-length knickers, purple push-down socks, and extremely dibble lace-up heels. A long pink ribbon held back her jet black hair. The outfit would have looked weird on anyone else, but on Claudia it totally worked."

Image from the March 2010 issue of Nylon.

2010-03-11T14:20:00.008-05:00

Let's Take A Moment To Appreciate Pop Stars Claudia Would Approve Of

Y'all know what day it is, right?

Okay, yeah, it's Thursday. I guess I should have been more specific. It's Telephone Day, people. I usually watch Survivor and then immediately fall asleep on Thursday nights. Tonight, I'm staying up until 11:30 so I can watch the premiere on E!. I'm fanning myself in anticipation.

If Claudia Kishi was real, she'd probably be a member of the Haus of Gaga by now.

Look at this free bitch. I mean, DAMN.

Update: It's here, for those of you who can't make it 'til 11:30 EST (aka me).

2010-03-06T14:12:00.007-05:00

#58: Stacey's Choice

Lazy ghostwriter alert: no outfits in Chapter Two. The below is as good as it gets.

"But Claud and I have the exact same taste in clothes and fashion [they do?], and very similar interests. We are both sophisticated and trendy. I know I sound like I'm bragging, but everyone says this about us. [Sigh.] We keep track of the new styles, and we wear tights and boots, baggy tops, and big jewelry. Claud likes hats, and often wears one, and we experiment with makeup and accessories. We experiment with our hair, too, especially Claudia."

Meh. Here's my outfit, which is perhaps even more boring than the above paragraph: an oversized heathered grey sweater, dark blue Hudson triangle pocket jeans, a bronze two-strand beaded necklace, and a vintage antique gold necklace with a hippie girl charm. I'm also wearing last night's eye makeup. This is FASHION, people.

Sorry I don't have an alligator barrette in my hair. I felt it would clash with the leftover eye makeup. I'll make it up to you with some cover analysis.

This scene occurs immediately after their shopping trip (don't get too excited, they don't get all the way to the Washington Mall). They sure seem happy, don't they? Do you think it's because Jessi and Mal weren't able to come?

Mary Anne looks adorable. I don't know why she felt she needed that haircut. Claudia is wearing cowboy boots, black leggings, and a necklace that she may have gotten at a Prince concert. Kristy felt like a sassy glimpse of calf would complete her ensemble, judging by the cuffed jeans. Stacey looks vaguely simian. Is she suffering from some sort of oversized head/shrunken leg disorder? Is this a side effect of all those insulin shots? Dawn looks like a ray of sweetness and light wrapped in cotton candy. I wonder if she knows that all the hairspray she used on those teased bangs is terrible for the ozone layer.

"We dragged ourselves away from the jewelry and finally (after stopping to look at hair accessories and knee socks) wound up in Junior Dresses.

'Here's a nice one,' said Mary Anne. She held out a plaid dress that maybe a grandmother would look okay in, but not me.

I shook my head.

Dawn pointed to a floral-print dress. [God, what is it with Dawn and floral prints?]

I shook my head. 'I need something wild.'

'Not too wild,' Mary Anne cautioned. 'Not for a dinner with your dad.'

'I'll find something,' I said confidently.

We wandered through Bellair's for nearly an hour. Claud bought a pair of black-and-white checked leggings [I'd prefer to think she bought these . . . or maybe these!]. Mary Anne bought a hair ribbon. Kristy made fun of a two-thousand dollar brooch."

Kristy would be so fun to shop with, guys! I bet it would be like shopping with my boyfriend, who asked me if the $114 jeans I was salivating over would do the dishes for me, too. (They don't, but they make my butt look great. Which is almost as good.) Then I reminded him how much money he just spent on his new car, and he shut up.

"In all honesty, I didn't expect find quite such a challenge at Zingy's. Putting together the perfect outfit there took a little longer than I'd planned. But I did it. (I think I drove the saleswoman crazy in the process, though.) By the time I left I was carrying a shopping bag in which were folded a hot pink (fake) silk jacket which fell to my knees, new black leggings, pink-and-black socks, and a black body suit [Won't the leggings give her some serious pantylines when paired with the body suit? Or is she planning on wearing it on top of the leggings? Don't bodysuits typically have snaps at the crotch? That seems inappropriate.]. I planned to wear the outfit with black flats, and to dress it up with some jewelry and maybe a couple of barrettes in my hair.

When Claud saw me in the final combination of clothes (standing next to a chair piled high with discarded jackets, pants, tops, and socks), she drew in her breath. 'You look fabulous. It is the perfect outfit,' she said."

Well, I suppose she would know. I'm still perplexed by the whole body suit/leggings combination.

2010-02-24T18:40:00.005-05:00

#75: Jessi's Horrible Prank

I didn't read this book as a youngin, so I wasn't colored by nostalgia during the experience. And man, it was kind of a difficult book to read. Uncomfortable. On the plus side, Jessi is a pretty enjoyable narrator here -- she's kind of goofy, getting involved in the Sixth-Grade Follies (a send-up of life at Stoneybrook Middle School created and performed by the sixth grade class) and doing impressions of Dolly Parton, Garth from Wayne's World, etc. She's got friends outside of the BSC. She's not obsessed with being the world's greatest ballerina.

On the minus side, the A plot is a doozy. The horrible prank has to do with one of their teachers, the unfortunately named Mr. Trout. This man is not cut out for teaching, to say the least. He's got no sense of how to discipline snotty pre-teens, and Jessi's classmates walk all over him. There's a scalping incident involving his toupee and a fishhook. Since you're all at the EDGES of your SEATS over this riveting plotline, I'll sum up by saying that he ends up leaving SMS and Jessi feels bad and writes him a letter and he writes back all "LOL Don't feel bad! Screw middle school, I'm going back to grad school!" and then the book ends abruptly, like maybe the ghostwriter drank one too many martinis and couldn't be bothered to come up with an ending*.

(Seriously, I don't know why Scholastic didn't contact me about these rewrites; I really get to the heart of the matter in NO TIME FLAT. I can even pull back on the swearing and netspeak if I try very hard! Like, VERY hard.)

But enough about plot. You don't come here for plot. You come here for fashion, and I need to update at least once before I go on vacation. (That's right, those of you who don't follow me on twitter or tumblr**: I'm headed to Disney World! But there's no Bahama cruise, because the boyfriend and I don't have rich stepfathers willing to shell out tons of dough for us and all of our friends.) So: fashion.

"Plus, she always puts together the coolest outfits, mostly from stuff she finds in flea markets. For example, at that meeting she was wearing '50s-style cat's-eye glasses frames***, a plastic barrette in the shape of an alligator****, a tie-dyed t-shirt, and bell-bottoms. And it looked fantastic."

As if there was a question.

Oh yeah, there's a subplot. Various sitting charges put on a show called the BSC Follies. Whatever, find the book yourself if you're that interested. I just thought some of the portrayals were worth mentioning.

"Vanessa walked out, toting a huge backpack. She had her hair pulled back and fastened by something that looked like a dog bone.

She pulled out a Milky Way bar, stuffed it in her mouth, and said 'Hi, I'm Claudia!'

'Aaaaaugh!' Claudia screamed.

. . . Next came Margot, holding a bag of carrots. 'I'm Dawn. Yummy, this is my dinner.'

. . . Vanessa/Claudia kept stuffing her face the whole way through, constantly pulling snacks out of her backpack, mumbling all her words. At one point she picked up the clock and said 'This would make a fabulous hat!'

Charlotte/Stacey sniffed disapprovingly. 'N.O.M.H. - Not On My Head!'"

God, these kids do my job better than I ever could. I should be insulted or something.

* Not that I know anything about this.

** And for the record, I am waaaay more prolific on both of those platforms than I ever will be here. Sorry, it's just the way it is. Most days, I only have 140 characters worth of funny in me. It's a sad reality.

*** Last week, B. and I were watching season three of 30 Rock when we realized the horrible yet fitting truth: Liz Lemon and I wear the EXACT SAME GLASSES. Also sometimes I wear snuggies while eating cheese by myself late at night. You can't judge me!

**** I want to go to there.

2010-02-09T18:10:00.006-05:00

Mystery #1: Stacey and the Missing Ring

America's favorite baby-sitters are detectives, too, guys! As implausible as that may be!

So Stacey wants a diamond ring, and isn't content to wait for, you know, adulthood. She's convinced she needs a diamond birthstone ring RIGHT NOW. At age 13. And pits her mother and father against each other when Mrs. McGill 'bitch please'-es her. And the rest of the babysitters are kind of uncomfortable about it.

"'I wouldn't dare to ask my parents for a diamond ring," said Mallory [sensibly]. 'Even if it was my birthstone.'

'But it is totally gorgeous, don't you think?' I asked.

Everybody nodded, but they looked a little overwhelmed. I wished they could have been more on my side. I wanted Claud to say 'You deserve a ring like that, Stacey, and your mother's a meanie not to buy it for you.' But she didn't say that."

Oh, guuuuuurl. Of course she didn't. Claudia can't even get her parents to buy her a buttered popcorn when they go to the movies together.

Stacey's diamond-lust unfortunately corresponds with her babysitting job for a new client, a really rich client with lots of bling. You see where this is going (if you don't, refer back to the title). Ring disappears, the BSC gets less calls then usual, everyone weeps gently, Claudia none-too-stealthily searches Stacey's room for the ring, the ring turns out to have been stolen by Rich Client's Klepto-Cat, all is well, Stacey continues to be massively spoiled.

"'And by the way, I may get the birthstone ring after all,' I said. 'My mom told me last night that she and my dad talked about it, and they might go in together to get it for me for my next birthday - or for Christmas, or some other special occasion.'"

Like her next perm. God, it's nice to be Stacey, isn't it? (Okay, fine, she has diabetes. Whatever. I have Crohn's disease, you don't see ME telling you about it in detail every time I write an entry. But maybe I will from now on. From now on, every entry will have a Chapter Two, in which we talk about Kim's Great Idea for a BSC/fashion blog, and Kim's Health Woes, and the number of siblings Kim has. I can tell you're already riveted!)

Anyway. Fashion. Now with fun titles!

Charlie Gets In A Good One:

"'Mmmm,' I said. 'Somebody smells good. What is that smell?'

'Must be my new shampoo,' answered Dawn. 'It's called Wildflower Wash.' She tossed her hair, and I could smell the sweet scent again.

Charlie coughed. 'Smells more like Accident in the Perfume Factory to me,' he said."

Claudia Has A "Current Favorite Mall Outfit":

"Claud looked terrific in black leggings, red high-top sneakers, and an oversized red sweater. She was carrying a red plastic lunch box as a purse."

That is so unfair. In high school, I thought it would be funny to bring my lunch in my second-grade Barbie lunch box, and everyone just thought I was weird. I mean, I was weird. But still. Where's my kudos?

T-Shirts Are California Casual; Don't Get Between Claudia And A Pair Of Sneakers:

"Dawn loves the T-shirt store, so we spent some time in there. She tried to decide between a blue shirt with a picture of whales on it and a yellow one that said 'Go For It' in big black letters, but she finally ended up getting neither. 'I don't really need a new T-shirt right now,' she said.

'I don't really need new sneakers, either,' said Claud. 'But that's not going to stop me!' She led the way to the shoe store. Claud has the biggest sneaker collection of anyone I know, I swear. She's got red ones (two other pairs besides the ones she was wearing that day) and purple ones and black ones and white ones and polka-dotted ones. I bet she could wear a different pair of sneakers every day for a month.

'What do you think?' she asked, holding up a pair of lace-and-sequin-trimmed pink high-tops. 'Pretty cool, right?'"

Fun fact: Claudia wears a size seven.

Claudia Is Some Sort Of Bizarre Fashion Idiot Savant:

"Something was definitely up. Claud always pays a lot of attention to clothes. She can remember every outfit she's worn to school over a season, and she tries never to repeat the exact same outfit."

Did I mention that Claudia made Stacey an apology gift (you know, for accusing her of stealing and whatnot)? Yeah. "An earcuff (a very cool accessory these days) with a collection of blue stones and beads hanging from it." She is good to you, McGill. Some might say too good.

2010-02-07T11:26:00.002-05:00

"Oh My Lord" Said Claudia When She Saw The Horrific Font Choices

Some of you have pointed me in the direction of this Nylon blog entry, which unveils the new covers for the first few editions of the re-released BSC books. You wanted to know what I think.

Short version: I feel like this.

Long version: I think they are hideous. Heinous. Horrendously ugly. Who signed off on this? Why didn't they call me? Those images are straight off a $5.00 cd-rom of clip art released in the mid 90's. And the fonts! The FONTS, people.

I guess I should congratulate them on not using Comic Sans. Way to go, design team.

Seriously, I'm baffled at their decision to do away with the original block letter logo. If they wanted to argue that the illustrations were dated, I'd be able to nod ruefully. I'd give them that, even though I'm sure we all feel that's part of their charm. But that logo is a total classic. Do I think this cover will impact the buying decisions of, say, an 8 year old? No, of course not. But I'd be surprised if many of the original readers end up reinvesting . . . the nostalgia factor has been totally done away with. Like sparkleneelysparkle said:

"These aren't bastions of fucking literary glory. They’re books about teenage girls. and I am sad that we have to fucking SPOON FEED them to you so that they are relevant to your lives (OMG WHATS A WALKMAN????) the only thing that is cool about them is that they are a snapshot of what people read in the 80s and 90s."

You really screwed the pooch on this one, Scholastic.

2010-01-29T10:45:00.006-05:00

Things I Cannot Afford on a Babysitter's Salary

Bags and cardigan: Anthropologie, necklace: Free People, earrings: Need Supply, ring: Digby & Iona, flats: Frye

The PR folks over at Digby & Iona sent me a press release about that stump ring. Not a big deal - I tend to get them from time to time, I think all fashion bloggers* do. Except I'm bitter about this press release, because that ring is intense and I totally want it and the last thing I should be spending my money on is more statement jewelry. As I was salivating, B. looked over my shoulder and suggested that if they REALLY wanted me to write about it, they'd send me one. But here I am, writing about it anyway. So you win, Digby & Iona. But I'm not linking to your site. Because I am bitter.

Things you can entertain yourself with until I post an actual entry:

Enjoy "Say Hello to Ur Friends": The Baby-sitters Club - Reloaded at McSweeney's (thanks @taliyahalom)
Annoy your coworkers with The Complex "Jersey Shore" Soundboard
Meg likes her fashion "with a healthy dose of rage and sparkle", like Claudia after the inevitable reality bites phase hits.
Stare into the existential void with Unhappy Hipsters
Knit yourself a badass squirrel sweater Claudia would definitely approve of. Incorporate it into a theme outfit involving acorn earrings and hand-painted treebranch leggings.

* if that's what you can call this . . . not sure I would, but try telling that to the folks over at Jean Straps (seriously . . . jean straps).

Critical "I like to be told I'm funny" update: I clearly do not have a future in PR, because I just got an e-mail from Digby & Iona and I was expecting it to read "bitch, it ain't our fault you're poor!" Because that would've been my reaction. Instead, I was thanked for mentioning the ring and - the real kicker - told that "the post was simply hilarious." Flattery will get you everywhere, Digby & Iona. You win again!

(I expect an e-mail from the Jean Straps people extoling my comedic genius within the next few days.)

2010-01-08T23:37:00.013-05:00

Like You Didn't Already Know the Internet Is A Pretty Strange Place

. . . I mean, you're here, aren't you?

So I was aware there were BSC-related twitter accounts. I thought the concept was fairly amusing, especially when I found myself listed on maryanne_spier's "girlsiwishwereinthebsc" list (caption: "If these girls lived in Stoneybrook I'm sure we'd be best friends!"). I chuckled. I wondered how many eyerolls I'd get away with before they staged a sarcasm intervention. ("Kim, we're worried that you're not being sincere when you say hello to your friends. You haven't even updated your Kid Kit lately!") I thoughtfully (read: two martinis deep, finding myself hilarious) answered a tumblr question about whether I'd rather live with Mary Anne or Claudia.

Then I woke up around 4:00 a.m. the other night. I was sick. I could get into the snotty details, but you've all had colds before and you don't really care. I never ended up falling back asleep. Instead - and Isweartogodreallythishappened - I heard a cat inside my apartment.

I don't own a cat. Clearly, there was only one explanation.
Yup. My apartment is haunted. Luckily, I had my iPod touch handy. In the interest of ghostbusting, I tweeted this little gem:

I congratulated myself on my wit and ability to reference books I should've forgotten long ago, and figured that was that. Until I saw this reply:

I'll have you know that the laundry room in my building is a basement that's straight out of Silence of the Lambs. I can only conclude that Dawn Schafer is trying to have me killed. Probably because I make fun of her so often.

Should I tweet back and tell her I'm sorry for all the jokes, and I recycle on a regular basis? Should I put the organic lotion in the handwoven basket? What do I do, internet? What do I do?

2009-12-12T15:11:00.007-05:00

#42: Jessi and the Dance School Phantom

It's been close to two months since I've posted an entry. Trust me, I have plenty of very good ~~excuses~~ reasons why. In the interest of interactivity, I will leave you a list and you can pick the one that most appeals to you.

A. It's all tumblr's fault.
B. In love; snark levels compromised.
C. Existential crisis brought on by the realization that all of my clothes are too small or falling apart.*
D. Moved into new position at job; am tired at the end of the day.
E. My television isn't going to watch itself.
F. Cease and desist letter from Ann M. Martin's Army of Lawyers.

But enough about Kim "Lazy Blogger Extraordinaire" Hutt. The eleven year old prima ballerina of the BSC snagged yet another lead role, and now she must pay. Or something.

On with the ~~cheap shots~~ jokes!
The full text of the note reads "BEWARE. There is a scarecrow in an all-denim ensemble directly behind you!" Dawn is all "how dare you! Deep conditioning is bad for the environment!"

We all know Jessi is not exactly a fashion icon. She further proves this by celebrating the fact that she is restricted to black leotards and pink tights during ballet class. "I could just imagine the scene if we were allowed to wear anything: There'd be so much neon in the place that it would look like Times Square."

Other things it might look like: an American Apparel ad. A Forever 21 dressing room discard rack. The inside of Lady Gaga's brain. I too can work a simile, Martin!

As you may have guessed from the title and cover art, Jessi is getting seriously stalked here. She's creeped out enough about it to consider giving up the role of Princess Aurora. However, the other babysitters won't stand for this defeatist, "I wish to escape with my life" attitude.

"Mallory gasped. 'Give up the production!' she said. 'You're nuts, Jessi. That may be the best part you've ever gotten. You can't let them scare you out of it.'

'Mal's right,' said Claud. 'You can't quit. I've already bought a new outfit to wear to your opening night.' She laughed. 'I'm only kidding.'"

She's not. Jessi's safety means nothing compared to the joys of a new minidress.

Eventually they unmask the crazy (in a really stupid plotline involving an incriminating calligraphy pen) and all is well. Opening night arrives just in time for A.M.M. to think up more wacky outfits for her little posse of teen & tween fashionistas.

Jessi "Best Ballerina Evar" Ramsey wore "a black velvet dress." Yawn.

Stacey "I AM New York" McGill wore "a tuxedo! That's right, a tuxedo, just like one a boy would wear. But it was made to fit her perfectly, and she looked great. She must have gotten it in New York."

Kristy "I'd Rather Be Coaching Softball" Thomas wore "a dress, for once, and it was strange to see her in something other than a turtleneck and jeans. She looked really pretty."

Mallory "The Oft-Mocked Or Forgotten One" Pike wore "her best skirt and blouse." Again: yawn.

Dawn "Can I Go Back to California Yet?" Schafer wore "Mary Anne's new Laura Ashley dress", while Mary Anne "Huge F'in Crybaby" Spier sported "Dawn's pink jumpsuit".

Claudia "No Fanciful Nickname Could Possibly Encompass The Awesome" Kishi "looked extremely cool and exotic, as usual. Her hair was braided with silver ribbons, and she wore a shimmery dark blue minidress. On her feet were silver sandals, with laces up the calves - kind of like toe shoes."

Bellissima!

* My inner cheapskate is sad about this, she really enjoyed buying $12 jeans at Forever21. Anyway, I'm solving this crisis by slowly filtering in classy, well-made items from (I know, I know, this is so mature and adult I can barely even stand it) Banana Republic. Today I set my progress back considerably by purchasing this doofy acrylic sweater coat thing from Urban Outfitters. Which is also not my fault: I was Christmas shopping. SOMETIMES THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU ARE CHRISTMAS SHOPPING.

2009-10-18T12:53:00.001-04:00

No Snark, Just Love

Courtney Summers* frantically tweeted a link to me the other day. "HAVE YOU SEEN THIS?!!!" she asked. I'm not sure what I was expecting. Maybe a Jon & Kate Plus 8 parody or an Arrested Development .gif. Certainly not an Amazon listing for a new BSC book.

Before there was the Baby-Sitters Club, there were four girls named Kristy Thomas, Mary Anne Spier, Claudia Kishi, and Stacey McGill. As they start the summer before seventh grade (also before they start the BSC), each of them is on the cusp of a big change. Kristy is still hung up on hoping that her father will return to her family. Mary Anne has to prove to her father that she's no longer a little girl who needs hundreds of rules. Claudia is navigating her first major crush on a boy. And Stacey is leaving her entire New York City life behind...

...in order to find new friends in Stoneybrook, Connecticut.

The Summer Before . . . is a sweet, moving novel about four girls on the edge of something big - not just the Club that will change their lives, but also all the joys and tribulations of being twelve and thirteen.

Okay, it's 224 pages. So we're basically looking at a Super Special. Here's hoping for alternating narrators, handwritten journal entries, and paragraph-long outfit descriptions.

Man. New Stephen King and Douglas Coupland novels (on the same day, no less) in November. A new BSC book in 2010. Everything's coming up Kim!

* (PLUG ALERT) author of Cracked Up to Be and January's Some Girls Are. You can check out the first chapter of Some Girls Are here. It's a pretty heavy book - after I read it I told Courtney it made her first book look like My Little Pony. She was delighted by this analysis, because she is slightly depraved. In a good way. Sure, she enjoys crafting sympathetic characters and then making terrible things happen to them. So what?

2009-09-26T11:20:00.011-04:00

#85: Claudia Kishi, Live From WSTO!

By now we've all heard the news about Diablo Cody getting her schticky hands on the rights to Sweet Valley High. I'm sure you've all been waiting with baited fuckin' breath for my opinion. (You: "No, I have not." Me: "Dude, it's like a joke and stuff." You: "Less dudes, dude." Everyone's a critic!)

Here it is: I feel :( about it. Unless Cody would like to hire me as a consultant, in which case I feel $$:)$$ about it.

Cody: SVH characters do not speak in a sarcastic and superspeedy manner. They do not make grating pop culture references. They do not utilize supposedly clever phrases like "honest to blog". They do not have hamburger phones. You have been warned.

Whatever. I was underwhelmed by Juno and I have no interest in Jennifer's Body (I do have an interest in tunelessly singing the chorus of the classic Hole song whenever the film is mentioned - now you've all been warned) and I'm just thanking god she didn't buy the rights to the Babysitter's Club.

Back to the 'brook.

Four pages in, Janine is calling Claud out ("Claudia, what on earth are you wearing?") for her unique and in this case slightly deranged sense of style.

"I was wearing a backward t-shirt, overalls I'd made by sewing together two halves cut from different pairs, and mismatched socks. It was my 'deconstructionist' look. You know, like the art movement?"

This outfit makes me wanna shout WOAH THERE LADY. Picturing this getup - referred to by Janine as "Frankenstein's Jumpsuit" - is making my brain melt. I wish I knew what shoes she was wearing. Probably one black Converse hightop and one white Converse lowtop covered in, like, stickers and food coloring.

Claudia dresses down for her job at the Pikes (in "jeans and a button-down men's shirt [Sorry Mr. Kishi] over a stretch top") because "there's already enough deconstruction in that house."

I feel that. I mean, think about it: Mom & Pop Pike are the original Jon & Kate, except for all the in vitro and Ed Hardy and People magazine cover stories.

The a-plot (and it's a doozy!) kicks into full gear when Claudia wins a contest to host a radio show for a month. Her sudden interest in deejaying is the result of a) that bitch Stacey totally abandoning her* b) Claudia realizing that, like, everybody in the BSC has a love interest except for her. I mean, even Mallory is doing better than Claud is, though she did have to import an Australian** after striking out with all the American boys.

Conclusion: somebody needs a hobby. (I mean, besides eating vast amounts of candy. Although as hobbies go, that's a pretty great one.)
Hence: conveniently timed contest.

In a Wacky Plot Twist, the contest runner-up gets to co-host the show. The contest runner-up? Ashley Wyeth! Except Ashley went to rehab or something, and I'm majorly bummed. She's definitely not the girl we met in book 12, the girl dressed like a Little House on the Prarie superfan who had recently discovered the joys of LSD.

I mean, she shows up at the radio studio wearing a "plain, button-down shirt and khakis with running shoes." Where are the Doc Martens, I ask?

She makes it up for me during the first show by bringin' the sass.

"I put together this great new outfit and trimmed my hair.

I know. Double duh. It was a radio show. Nobody was going to see me. But I could not help it. Honestly. I absolutely had to do it. I don't know why.***

Anyway, I wore the coolest tuxedo I'd recently bought in a thrift shop, including a silky, piped shirt and a bright red velvet cummerbund. I removed the shoulder pads from the jacket, which made it really slouchy (I love that look). Then I bought a pair of white socks with silver glitter.

I decided to wear a pair of red sneakers to match the cummerbund. I swept my hair up and fastened it with a rhinestone barrette in the shape of a musical note."

"Ashley was already in the studio when I walked in, dressed in jeans and a workshirt. She was deep in conversation with Bob, but when she saw me, she howled with laughter.

'Are you going to, like, describe your outfit to the listeners or something?' she asked."

It's her show, Ash. And damn straight she is.

* not that we are bitter.

** Ben Hobart. And yes, technically she didn't import him. Stop remembering plotlines so well, people! I'm trying to tell jokes here!
*** I love you.

2009-09-19T17:06:00.006-04:00

Move Over, Logan Bruno

It's been quite a month. I haven't even seen the new Gossip Girl yet. Does this mean my fascination is waning? Not sure. All I know is that I tried to amp myself up by watching some promos on youtube. The only resulting emotion? Fear. Oh -- also confusion. 'Cause I am completely flummoxed by whatever is on top of Dan Humphrey's head. Is that a wig? What the hell is going on here?

Please advise.

Anyway, it's September. Which means that the senior members of the BSC are beginning their final year at Stoneybrook Middle School. For the millionth time. I wonder what they all wore on the first day? Maybe Kristy decided to really mix it up and sported some Dockers. Fashion!

Hopefully Mary Anne is growing out that terrible haircut. You know, the one she got last year. In eighth grade.

Welcome to Stoneybrook, where time passes but nobody ages.

Until I get to a book entry (soon! or at least before it starts snowing!) check out:

Our Fave Style Bloggers Show Us Their Fall Must-Haves at Lemondrop. I didn't end up with the blazer. It probably would have looked like crap on me, anyway. But man, it looks fly as hell on the model!

I gotta say, it's pretty damn helpful to live near an Urban Outfitters. Like, they had this macrame owl wall hanging that looked totally bomb on the website. And then I saw it in the store. And I was like: "oh". (You can quote me on that!) It was large and majestic online, but small and pitiful in person. And really depressed, like a macrame owl dealing with an opiate addiction. You don't want a downer owl in your living room, bringing down the mood. Before you know it, all your other owls are sighing heavily and smoking a lot of cigarettes, and . . . wait, where was I going with that? Oh, I think I was just pointing out that sometimes things are (regretfully) not as awesome in person as they are on the internet.

Some things, however, are.

That's me. I often sit sideways in my rocking chair, looking meaningfully at my coffee table. Whatever. That's not my point. My point is: THE SHOES, DAMMIT. I mean, look at them.

Logan Bruno has nothing on my boyfriend.

I was pretty psyched when he told me he had a surprise for me. He was all "yeah, you know, it's no big deal, about on par with the pumpkin ales" and I was like well, that's pretty cool. A guy who shows up with your favorite seasonal beer (and sometimes a pint of Ben & Jerry's when you've had a bad day) is clearly a winner. So I was expecting something delicious. Instead he shows up with a huge box from Amazon.com. I'm suspicious. And then he pulls out a shoe box. Light grey and black. Frye. Since 1863.

I just about fell over. They're epic. They're this perfect, warm, burnt sienna color. The heel is intense. They're studded. They make fun clacky noises when I walk around in them. And they're huge - when I first put them on, he laughed and called me a giraffe. My feet might freeze (what with the peep toe) but I simply do not care. They are that good.

So yeah, Logan Bruno ain't shit.

And if you've got a yearning for even more hilariously awkward self-portraits, check out my interview* over at Worn Journal. Because when I'm not staring meaningfully in the direction of my couch, I'm sitting on my kitchen table between stacks of BSC books. Totally normal! Who doesn't spend their free time doing just that?

What? Normal people?

Oh.

* I think the biggest challenge (and I do mean 'of my entire life') was coming up with a list of the top 10 most stylish characters from children's literature. The second biggest challenge was not running out and buying copies of all of the books I mentioned in the list. How great were the Wayside School books? Can we internet book club those suckers? Why yes, I will be 26 this October!

2009-09-07T12:50:00.004-04:00

Contest Wrap-Up; Claudia Kishi Demands More Feathers

Guys. You all want that famous cities skirt from Logan Likes Mary Anne! really, really badly. Note to etsy sellers: if you can reproduce this item, you should do so. And let me know about it, 'cause I've got some readers who would be all over that shit like white on rice. (Or brown on rice. Or Claudia on a Mounds bar.)

Jessica Lewis (who is "a little more classic and tame than Claud" but would consider sporting a fedora or some cowboy boots) is the lucky winner of the Chickdowntown contest. In the interest of full disclosure, there was not a sassy hat involved in the selection process. Your names went into a sassy zebra-print hobo bag. Claudia approved! Jessica, shoot me your mailing information (kimberlyhutt@gmail.com) and we'll get you decked out with that Moyna clutch. Everyone else: I wish I could provide you with the squiggle pins and handmade earrings you so desperately desire. Stay tuned; there'll be another contest coming your way soon. More information to come. For now, I'll just say that if you like really dark young adult lit., get pysched.

Because I'm still trying to be more responsible with the whole money thing (apparently you need it to get food and stuff!), I'm not doing any big change-of-season shopping trips. But lord knows I would love to be droppin' cash like I was made of it. Especially since Gap came out with this new line of jeans and the campaign is full of very convincing arguments as to why they are the greatest thing since Ring Dings.

Other things I would buy if I was the stepdaughter of Watson Brewer (he's a millionaire! They live in a mansion! Of course he would want to buy me new Fryes!): some killer boots to pair with my skinny jeans (pictured: Carmen three strap, Owen crepe tall, Deborah studded), Lucky Brand jewelry, Madewell's Slim Slouch jeans, and Urban Outfitter's beaded feather necklace, as modeled by a Wakefield twin.

2009-08-21T18:40:00.002-04:00

Claudia Kishi Discovers Online Shopping; Singlehandedly Saves Economy.

Mom and Pop Kishi were pretty hard on our girl, huh? They should just be glad her reign of fashion-y terror didn't overlap with the era of Spending All Your Disposable Income on Online Shopping. She would've racked up massive credit card debt in no time. I mean, think about it. She'd be all hopped up on Yodels and frantically bidding on ebay auctions for fringed vests and snake bracelets. (Or snake earrings, or snake rings, or sandals that laced up her calves.*)

Chickdowntown would've seen her coming. And rolled out the virtual welcome mat.

She's fictional, though. And you are not. (At least, not as far as I know.) So they'll settle for your love by sending you this horse shoe slim clutch by Moyna Handbags. Claudia would be totally jealous, am I right? And you're going to look great. (May I suggest pairing it with some shredded denim and earrings made from paper clips and seed beads? So fetch!**)

Wanna get your hands on the clutch? Easy enough. Chickdowntown has one reserved for a lucky What Claudia Wore reader. All you have to do (besides 'live in the United States' - sorry, international ladies) is drop me a comment naming the Ann M. Martin-approved item you'd die to own. Is it Dawn's I'm Awesome necklace? Stacey's beret, adorned with a sparkly dinosaur pin? One of the 5 million jumpsuits these crazy chicks are always sporting? The iconic telephone cord bracelet? Claudia's bungee cord belt? (If so, why? It's a bungee cord, dude.)

The contest will close on September 3rd. I'll use a Ouija board to pick the winner. (Just kidding, I will probably put your names in a sassy hat or something.) In the meantime, follow Chickdowntown on twitter, become a fan on facebook, and check out J.A.K.'s western plaid shirts. Mostly because the yellow/orange one is callin' my name and I just want someone to tell me it'd look great with my Fryes.

I'm gonna go call Claudia, maybe she can find it for me in her dad's closet. Forgive us, Pop Kishi.

* the laces would be two tiny snakes. With beads for eyes. God, I need those sandals immediately.

** If Regina George is Cokie Mason, then Gretchen Weiners is Grace Blume. Think about it.

2009-08-03T18:40:00.006-04:00

#37: Dawn and the Older Boy

Oh, Dawn. I'm choosing to ignore your teased bangs and will instead focus on your dinner companion. Travis. Travis the Older Boy from California. Travis the Older Boy from California with Suspiciously Pristine Sneakers.

You look smitten, and I'm concerned.

Not so much about the age thing. I mean, I get it lady. Maturity, experience, etc. But this guy looks exactly like my mental picture of Randall Flagg and that CANNOT be a good thing. He's probably two seconds away from eating your face. For god's sakes, woman! Run!

Guys, I know you feel me on this. Just look at him. That is clearly the face of a killer. Dude, he probably has the skin of a killer* as well.

Anyway. Let's get started with some makeovers.

"I glanced around Kristy Thomas's bedroom and saw that all six of my friends were experimenting with lipstick and nail polish. A few of them, like Stacey McGill, were even trying out new hairstyles. It was a sort of mass 'make-over,' and there was a lot of giggling going on. (And some of the 'befores' looked better than the 'after', if you know what I mean.)"

I do know what you mean, but I'm supposed to be the quippy one here. Back off, Schafer.

"Claudia is a beautiful, dramatic-looking Japanese-American who loves exotic clothes. (She's also the vice-president of the BSC.) Claudia's one of those people who can wear anything and get away with it. Today, for example, she had stuck to two colors: black and white. Black cotton bib overalls over a white turtleneck with a shiny black patent leather belt looped around her waist. Black suede ankle boots and white cotton socks. [Wow, yikes. I'm down with mixing up the casual and the formal, but I can't stand behind this. I'm not sure I can ever stand behind visible white cotton socks. Okay, maybe if they're flop socks and I've layered three different pairs so that my ankles look like ice cream cones.] Long black hair swept off her face with giant white plastic barrettes. Anyone else would look like a penguin in that get-up, but Claudia looked great. [Like a beautiful, dramatic-looking, Japanese-American penguin.]

'What do you think,' she asked, holding up a white hoop earring next to her face. 'Too much?'

I nodded. 'Maybe just a little.' The earring was the size of a doorknob."

It's nice of you to get the little people involved, Claud. But you and I both know that the concept of 'too much' doesn't exist in your world. Ignore California Casual over there. She wears clogs.

What? You own clogs? Oh. Well, I'm sure you look GREAT in them. Don't mind me.

Makeover madness continues: "'Stacey had scrunched her own hair into a cloud of blonde curls and was trying for the same effect with my stepsister.

Mary Anne shot me a desperate look [pull it together, Spier] in the mirror, just as Stacey gave a final pat to her hair and said pointedly, 'Doesn't she look great?'

I was on the spot. 'I think it's a nice change,' I began. 'Of course, you wouldn't have to wear it that way every day.'

'She should. It's a big improvement.' Stacey said flatly."

Holy shit, man. It's about to be a (what) GIRLFIGHT**.

The next morning, Dawn meets the Older Boy (henceforth referred to as OB), a friend of Charlie's. The scene is moderately amusing - the babysitters go downstairs, are struck dumb by the presence of cute high school guys, and flock back upstairs to primp.

"Upstairs, I took a quick shower and spent the next hour fiddling with my hair and makeup. I decided that I wanted to look casual (but gorgeous!) and finally settled on a pale blue ten-button top [I'm getting 'henley' from this description] with my favorite jeans."

For whatever reason, said cute high school guys are still chilling in the Brewer's kitchen an hour later. Travis lures Dawn in with ocean talk and mentions of Malibu and his affinity for granola. He even drops some fashion advice, letting her know she should always wear blue. Because it brings out the color of her eyes. Just like the ocean.

I think he should always wear brown. Because he is full of it.

They go on a couple of nebulous date-things (gotta love the nebulous date-thing, staring across the table all "hmm. This feels date-y. I'm totally catching vibes here.") after school involving grilled cheese sandwiches and girly accessory shopping. No joke.

Oh, and he gives her a blue beaded necklace and hair combs. "'When I saw this,'" he smarms, "'it just made me think of you. That's all. It's the same shade as your eyes.'"

You know, I might have found that kinda cute, but he follows it up by being a total douche and not appreciating Schafer for the unique little snowflake that we all know she is. God, what a jerk. It's my job to tell these girls they look like crap.

Check out this gem:

"'Usually, I just brush my hair and wear it straight. It's so long.'

'Oh yeah. That's another thing I wanted to mention.' Travis picked up a strand of hair and looked at critically. 'When's the last time you got your hair cut?'

'Cut? I never get it cut. Well, sometimes I have the ends trimmed a little.'

Travis gave me a very serious look. 'I think you should lose a few inches, maybe three or four. It will give your hair more lift, you know?'" [Seriously, I would smack a guy for telling me I needed to cut my hair.]

"'Maybe,' I said doubtfully. I like my hair the way it is - very long and fine. Whenever I try a new style, I usually hate it and go right back to wearing it straight."

Feel ya, girl. I experimented with bangs a couple years ago and couldn't hack it after a few short months. Now where was I? Oh yeah, somewhere around "this guy spends a creepy amount of time looking at/thinking about jewelry":

"'I saw some pierced earrings in here that would look great on you,' he said. He led me to a display counter and spun an earring tree with his thumb. 'Good! They're still here.' He lifted a pair of delicate silver earrings off the tree and held them out to me. 'Do you like them?'

They were perfect. Tiny butterflies in flight. 'I love them,' I said softly.

[I suspect Merry-Go-Round is the Stoneybrook version of a Claire's Accessories. Have some class, Older Boy.]

Travis held them up to my ear and smiled. 'I knew they'd be right for you.'

'I'll wear them under the stars,' I promised him. (I should explain that I wear two earrings in each ear.)

'No,' Travis said flatly. 'You should wear them up higher. Just get another hole punched in your ear.'"

Hey. Sociopath. Calm the hell down. And then he has the audacity to bring Cali back into the equation, claiming that "all the girls" have 3 holes in each ear. Look, I know I talk a lot of shit about Schafer, but I am very wounded by all this making over of a fictional teenager who is perfectly fine just as she is***.

After Dawn hears that Travis has been hanging out with a girl his age (Kristy's big mouth strikes again), she makes the totally rational decision to stalk him. Yeah, I smell a healthy relationship in the works here. Would more Twilight jokes be appropriate at this time****?

Travis is wearing "faded jeans and a white t-shirt" when Dawn spots him. "But he wasn't alone. He turned around and linked arms with a great-looking girl. Her long red hair tumbled down her back, and she had high cheekbones, just like a model. She was dressed in a white cotton flight suit [I was all 'this must be some high-fashion terminology I've never heard of', but then I google image searched 'flight suit' and the results were precisely what I'd imagined], exactly the kind of trendy outfit that Claudia or Stacey would wear. I hated her on sight, and then I stopped and reminded myself that it wasn't her fault she was gorgeous."

The outfit, on the other hand, is entirely her fault.

So Dawn spies on Travis and Sara (or Flight Suit Girl, as I prefer to think of her) a second time. Travis takes Sara to Merry-Go-Round, and Dawn decides it's time to confront him. She starts by being all 'so, looks like this is one of your favorite spots.' The dig doesn't have the impact she'd hoped for, and Flight Suit Girl interrupts by showing Travis some "heavy gold hoop earrings.

'What do you think, Travis?' she asked, ignoring me. 'Are these too big?'

I couldn't resist. 'Yes, definitely too big. They look like they should be holding up a shower curtain.'

[What does Dawn have against big jewelry? Hrmph.]

Sara frowned and gave Travis a 'who-is-this-person?' look, and he introduced us.

'Dawn is from California, too,' he added.

'Really?' Sara gave me a cool smile. 'Oh, now I remember,' she said, as if a light bulb had switched on inside her head. 'Dawn Schafer . . . the little girl you told me about.'

Little girl? I was steaming. What nerve. I needed a really stinging comeback, but my mind was a blank. And the next words out of Sara's mouth were even worse. 'I'm sure you've turned her into a real beauty, Travis,' she murmured."

Dude, what kind of fucked-up dynamics are going on here?! I'm so disturbed. Poor Dawn pulls it together, but kinda embarrasses herself further with her retort, snapping that she was "'already a beauty'."

In the end, Sensitive Mary Anne reminds Dawn about the plot of My Fair Lady and Dawn realizes she's Eliza Doolittle. And then she starts talking to animals and Mary Anne has to inform her that Eliza Doolittle and Dr. Dolittle are two entirely different characters and then she wonders if maybe Dawn has gotten into Sharon's stash. (I mean, why do you think she could never find anything? And stored her keys in the vegetable drawer and shit? Think about it.)

Nah, that didn't happen. It would've been more interesting, though. Dawn calls Travis on his shit and he doesn't get it but she feels vindicated in the end and then starts an epistolary romance with Logan's cousin Lewis ('cause those Kentucky boys like to keep it in the family). And by book 50 she's totally forgotten all these valuable lessons about loving you for you (or whatever). I think we all remember that particular clusterfuck.

* you: "did she just drop a Twilight reference? oh my GOD, she did. I am NEVER reading this blog AGAIN."
** I know.
*** Assuming she lets me burn her entire wardrobe and start from scratch.
**** Twilight jokes are both never AND always appropriate.

2009-06-21T11:27:00.006-04:00

A Moment with Kim: Freaked Out Mexicans, College Clichés, Closets

You guys are hilarious (and that assessment is based on your comments alone -- I can't even imagine what it'd be like to get drunk together and perform dramatic reenactments of Important Fights in BSC History). Let's be friends forever, like the BSC spinoff series featuring ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS on the book covers (I hope the orginal series' illustrator was fired for being so annoyingly inconsistent). I was done with Stoneybrook by the time the whole Friends Forever series started, but I do remember gaping at the books all 'what the hell is going on here, Martin?'* They did a decent job casting Claudia, I guess. I mean, check it out! She's on a disaster date! Been there, lady.

Anyway, commenter Stace raised an important point. Stick this in your peace pipe and smoke it:

Why did [Dawn] always have to be cool anyway? Like if a guy in a sombrero came running into a BSC meeting shooting at them, everyone would go into hysterics but Dawn, who would just sit there munching celery saying "A freaked out Mexican? Who hasn't seen one?"

I would've read that Super Special HARD.

---------

For someone who is so deeply entrenched in Hipster Studies (read: sometimes I go to Urban Outfitters and tally up all the Minnetonka-wearing customers), you'd think I'd be an avid McSweeney's reader. But I am merely a casual McSweeney's reader, so let's thank Scarlett for tweeting me the link to the greatest McSweeney's list of all time: Titles From The Baby-Sitters Club: The College Years Series.

They're great**. And I feel like that list could go on forever. My suggestions:

Mary Anne and the Missed Period
Abby and the Sex Ed Improv Group
Stacey McGill, Sororstitute
Dawn Hits the Bong
Kristy and the Group Project From Hell
Claudia's Shoplifting Secret

Again: I would read those books hard. Shit, I would write those books hard. Scholastic! Call me! I like to drop f-bombs and use the word awesome to describe just about everything!

In other words, I am supremely qualified.

---------

Sometimes people think its a good idea to let me talk about my clothes on the internet. Lemondrop.com's Closet Fever series features fashion bloggers talking about their favorite items of clothing. And I am one of those bloggers! Neat!

Things to note: Frye Carmen side zip boots I spent way too much on, Paris Hilton pose, vague semblance of a smile (I tried, really I did), shelving unit stocked with skinny jeans, Laine-approved amounts of black and grey closet items, tacky ring (as seen on greasy mobster stereotypes).

Check out the rest of the feature here. Julie: thanks for giving me another opportunity to wax poetic about Frye shoes.

In the interest of full shopping habit disclosure: I bought shoes recently. I know, I've been making all these claims about how I'm not shopping anymore because I need to look into this whole 'future' thing. But it's totally fine because these puppies are extremely practical. Okay, whatever, they're not.

* Once I was waiting at Goodwill for my boyfriend to finish his shift and I ended up reading Claudia Gets Her Guy to pass the time. I don't remember much about the story, but I do remember being pleasantly surprised by the lack of annoying child-centric subplots.

** Although the image of Claudia in those wretched VS PINK sweatpants that college chicks seem to love makes me die a little inside.

2009-06-10T10:28:00.002-04:00

A Moment with. . . woah! Woman, What Are You Wearing?

Mrs. Obama*, what the heck are you doing? The only explanation for this is that you are a big Kishi fan (okay, there are probably other explanations, but I have a blog about The Kishi so there's a certain direction I need to take this, dig?) and you're rocking some sort of tribute ensemble. Maybe you got some BSC books for Malia and Sasha at a garage sale. You seem like the kind of down-to-earth woman who can still appreciate the lure of a good garage sale, even though you happen to be, oh, the First Lady. So perhaps you were reading the books together - I appreciate your hands-on parenting style, for real - and you found yourself admiring the panache of the Kishi. So you woke up one day and decided 'elegant sheath dresses be damned! I'm going to do this up Claudia-style!'

It happens to all of us. I had a phase where I thought skirts over jeans was a really clever idea (I will try to find photographic evidence later so everyone can point and laugh merrily). But, honestly and with all due respect, I don't think this is the best look for you.

If I start seeing earrings made from paper clips, we are going to have to have a TALK.

* relevant: the entry in which I photoshopped the President's head onto Kristy Thomas' body. I'm still pretty proud of that.

2009-06-02T17:56:00.002-04:00

#82: Jessi and the Troublemaker

Breaking news: Jessi's hairstyle? A bun, adorned with a scrunchy. BREAKING NEWS, GUYS.

And I'm not even going to address the jeans.

"Stacey's sophistication shows up in the super-responsible and mature way in which she usually acts [book #83: Stacey vs. the BSC. Just sayin'.], but also in the way she dresses. We are pretty casually dressed at the BSC meetings, but even if Stacey is just wearing jeans like most of the rest of us, she goes one step further into cool [?]. For instance, today, when we were wearing sweaters and shirts [well, those both seem like logical choices, kid - do you want everyone else in leotards, too?], Stacey had on an oversized black sweater and a metallic gold t-shirt underneath. With her huge blue eyes and naturally dark lashes, and the shoulder length blonde hair that she keeps perfectly cut, she looked just like a model."

Jessi, what the hell: "But Claudia's sophistication and style are not big city. They're more artistic." The more I stare at this statement, the less sense it makes. Is it possible all the RL4 writing is rotting my brain? Also, why would 'big city' and 'artistic' be mutually exclusive?

Jessica Ramsey, you have so much to learn.
Which is logical, since you're 11.

"Claudia's style is unique. She doesn't often wear jeans, but she was wearing them today - only she'd cut patterns in the legs of the jeans (which were major faded) and was wearing leopard tights underneath so that they showed through. [I feel like we've all seen this on lookbook.nu.] She was wearing her Doc Martens with yellow shoelaces, and she'd used matching shoelaces to pull her hair back into a thick, long braid. Her earrings were a pair she made herself, out of little yellow feathers and black beads. And she was wearing a black and yellow striped flannel shirt buttoned up to her throat, with another pair of shoelaces made into a sort of bow tie."

BOW TIE.

(I hope season three of Gossip Girl brings us a scene in which Chuck Bass pulls open a drawer and it is just filled with, like, 100 bowties in perfect rows on some sort of custom-made bowtie organizer. They should be organized by color.)

2009-05-20T13:21:00.003-04:00

Is Susie Bubble the Claudia-est Blogger of All?

There are a lot of ladies out there who are truly bringin' the heat in terms of personal style. I used to post to Wardrobe Remix on occasion (because my jeans are very fascinating), so I have some idea of the kind of work and dedication that goes into chronicling one's wardrobe choices. There's the awkward 'photoshoot' process (made waaay more awkward if you don't have a partner in crime or camera remote and are forced to rely on the ten second dash method), the time and effort that goes into editing and composing entries, and of course the chutzpah needed to share your style with the world.

Before sitting down to write this entry I told myself sternly that I need to refrain from stock terms such as 'fierce bitch' because not everyone finds said b-word endearing. (Hi Mom.) Is 'sassy wench' politically correct and socially acceptable? Whatever.

This is Susie Bubble. Seriously, look at her and her blatant disregard for the so-called "rules" of fashion! Claudia approves! Susie is a style blogger (stylebubble.co.uk) from the United Kingdom whose dedication to the world of fashion never fails to amaze me. She's got an amazing, eclectic sense of style that mixes high fashion with thrift, diy, and high street items. In addition to chronicling her own sartorial concoctions, Susie keeps us up to date with informative, thoughtful posts about current news in the fashion world. For many of us (including yours truly, who is completely overwhelmed by the study of haute couture and only recently found out how to correctly pronounce Yves Saint Laurent), fashion bloggers are the best possible resource when it comes to industry news. Susie does an amazing job, and I kinda want to hug her and tell her she's fabulous and then maybe try on her shoes.

Like our heroine, Susie isn't just a consumer - she's also a creator. She teamed up with Borders & Frontiers to create a gorgeous t-shirt available for purchase through the blog. If I wasn't currently trying desperately to refrain from expanding my wardrobe - it's hard - for the sake of my paltry bank account, I'd already own three.

Check out this entry, where she shows off the design on both white and grey backgrounds while making lots of cute faces. As if I didn't love her enough already, her affinity for heathered grey jersey tees makes me just about squeal with glee (I'm currently wearing one right now! With jeans! Shocking, I know!).

If you aren't already a fan, go check out the blog. Her link list alone could keep you busy for days. Susie, you rock. Thanks for breaking the mold and sharing your unique viewpoints with the world.

You can also follow Susie on twitter. Thankfully, though she and Claudia may share a willingness to experiment with crazy hats, Susie's got her basic spelling and grammar skills down. Seriously, can you imagine following Kishi on twitter? It'd be all "their is a emergancy meating 2day somthing about not enouf clients shut up kristy".

2009-05-13T23:13:00.008-04:00

The Prodigal Blogger Returns*: Kristy's Worst Idea Revisited

Let's muse on this cover for awhile. Do you love my handwritten notes? Yeah you do. I'm about to get into some serious analysis, so I'll direct you to dibbly-fresh's gallery for a closer look [EDIT: just kidding, I didn't realize blogger would provide a link to the large version. Click the pic. Marvel at the fashion.]. Feel free to add your input, because caring too much about books you read as a prepubescent is a community effort. Let's hold hands and sing the theme song. (I remember being incredibly sad that my parents didn't have HBO. I was all BUT MOM THERE IS A BSC TV SERIES WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?)

Abby, sit down. You haven't even been in the Baby-sitter's Club long enough to have built up any righteous indignation. Sure, I like your grey skinnies (they look a little bagged out, I would recommend throwing them in the dryer) even though they look suspiciously acid-washy, like maybe Claudia let you accompany her on her latest trip to American Apparel**. But I hate your shirt. Sure, I'm the least sporty person probably in the history of the world and I really dislike baseball. That doesn't mean I'm biased (it actually does). The shirt really does suck and hits at a weird length. It needs to be longer. Or shorter. Something.

Mallory and Jessi, I'm sorry. I can tell this is really stressful for you both. With that said, enough with the ballerina hairstyles, Jessica. We get it. You're the most dedicated 11 year old in the history of dance. You get up at 5:00 a.m. to practice in your basement every day. Mallory, never wear those colors together ever again. And get yourself to Lenscrafters because those glasses are atrocious.

Stacey, this may be the least "New York" you've ever looked. This is substitute teacher wear, Miss I'm So Very Sophisticated. Next.

Kristy, you know I love you. Upon review of the series, it turns out that the whole 'big mouth' thing is just a euphemism for 'sarcastic, snarky, and generally kinda awesome'. That doesn't make me any more okay with this ensemble. I know, I really have no right to say anything, especially since I own like 4 pairs of the same Forever 21 skinny jeans (they were $12.50, okay?). But at least put on a necklace or something. Flip flops instead of clunky white sneakers. Anything.

Mary Anne, your hair doesn't look completely horrific here. It's actually kinda cute. I don't really have anything else to say about you. I guess maybe I could reiterate my general disdain for the color pink, but whatever. You wouldn't listen anyway.

Claudia, if fashion was a video game, you would have already defeated Bowser and rescued the princess. You're wearing pinstriped denim. You're a sassy train conductor. Your shirt is drapey and involves ruffles, not unlike the one I am wearing right now. You're wearing dangly earrings you probably made yourself while you should have been learning how to spell. Please shift positions so I can see your shoes. With regards to whatever you're yelling at Mary Anne about: you are totally justified and I am on your side. Call me later - we can go shopping and gripe about your fellow club members.

* Trust me, I'm still an internet junkie. I am updating my tumblr, albeit mostly with pictures of Mary Kate Olsen and insightful captions like "fabulous", "give me your closet", etc. I also use twitter to prattle on about myself (because what is twitter for, really, if not vapid navel gazing?), Gossip Girl, etc. I love twitter, it's all about 140 character morsels of sometimes-wit. Also I've been big on channeling 17 year old billionaires lately. I'm thinking about investing in some bow ties.
** You're selling scrunchies now? For 6 dollars a pop? Oh for pete's sake, Dov. Pull it together.

2009-04-27T01:32:00.003-04:00

Shopping with Claudia: How Psyched Are You For Summer?

Yeah, me too. Today was ridiculously warm and summery and maxidress-worthy. (I know, maxidresses are a polarizing item, the topic of much debate. Personally, I love 'em. They're California Casual, guys! Totally Schafer-approved.) Since the shoe buying moratorium is still in place (I will admit to trying on a pair of Chloe knockoffs by Dolce Vita at T.J. Maxx today), I'll limit my seasonally-trigged shopping jones to window shopping at etsy.

Kishi-approved vintage (later in the series the ghostwriters started describing her as a thrift-store junkie, remember?) footwear below. Including a pair of ankle wrap sandals - you know how Claudia feels about shoes that lace up your calves.
Salina strappy sandals - size 10
Liz Wear fringe wrap sandals - size 6.5
Mixed Blues tricolor huraches - size 8.5
Pikolinos slingback sandals - size 7
Guijada handcarved clogs - size 9
Rieker laceup gladiators - size 6.5

Those purple Guijada heels . . . damn. Please, someone buy them and give them the love they deserve. They're amazing.

2009-04-22T13:44:00.010-04:00

#67: Dawn's Big Move

Sweet fancy Moses! Look at all that fashion! Put it all on me!How could Dawn leave her best friends? Easily. And to answer the follow up question ("but why?"): probably because her California friends are way more interesting and don't cry at Hallmark commercials. She's ready to trade diaper changes for eating disorders, and I don't think we should judge her for that. But that's not really my point.

I don't have the book with me, but I can guarantee you that the plot is most likely "I miss sunshine it's frikkin' cold on the East Coast alright I'm outta here but I'll be back soon and then I'll leave again forever because I like toying with Mary Anne's emotions and that Ann M. Martin woman said something about my own spinoff series." So we're just going to look at the cover, which is awe-inspiring enough to deserve its own entry. (I mean, if you're willing to put up with all the shoe posts, you're probably willing to put up with just about anything. I plan to test this theory next week with a fascinating blog entry about proper use of the subjunctive*. Stay tuned! Riveting content ahead!)

Kristy is totally over the rest of these hos. At least, that's what I'm gleaning from her body language and facial expression. Her sneakers are clunky and blindingly white. Her jeans are baggy and, like, cornflower blue. Her neck is turtled. The only element of surprise here is the sweater. Would Kristy Thomas really wear a sweater adorned by a row of pink daisies? I call shenanigans.

Stacey thinks her poor man's prep school look is going to get her into Constance Billard. Listen Stacey, only one member at a time can flee this coop, and it is not your turn. You can drop the club later when you discover the joys of shoplifting, but best believe you will never be a Waldorf minion. No matter how pleated your skirts are.

Mary Anne is wearing some sort of pointy toe oxford or boot exactly like the ones I see on modern day male hipsters in frighteningly tight jeans. Her jeans are unremarkable. The shirt, however, raises all kinds of questions. What the hell is going on there? It's salmon, it's got a mandarin collar, and it's ornamented by puke splashes, like maybe she had an early a.m. babysitting job with a sickly child. Why didn't she go home and change? Why does she have the same haircut as Jonathan Taylor Thomas? Why do I care?

Dawn is tired of Texas Tuxedo Classic and is thusly choosing to mix it up by switching out her ill-fitting blue jeans for ill-fitting black jeans. She is also rocking that scrunchy. Totally tubular!

Our Heroine needs to consider wearing longer shirts with her leggings. But I'm a kind soul and I can forgive (unless you're Stacey). Especially since this outfit really sums up what The Kishi is all about: cowboy boots, wacky-ass patterns (her weapon in the war against normalcy!), side ponytails, and unattractive hats. (After extensive zooming, possibly also earrings the size of jar lids.) Work it out, girl. A+.

* Not really.
Photo credit: dibbly-fresh.

2009-04-19T16:35:00.002-04:00

Super Special #10: Sea City, Here We Come!*

"And then I could start thinking about serious things. Like which bikinis to take to Sea City."

The above quote reflects Claudia's frame of mind on the last day of summer school. Feel ya, girl. In fact, this is exactly how I feel about my impending graduation. I just want it to be over with so I can start thinking about how many times I will need to change my shoes during my wacky Sea City vacation.

When Claudia pulls her suitcase out of her closet, she finds three bags of pretzels. "So," she narrates, "we snacked while we packed." I'm telling you this because when I read that line my mind immediately went to Xzibit** (yo babysitting-dawg I hurd u like pretzels and travels so I put Rold Gold in ur Samsonite so u can snack while u pack***) and then I had to roll my eyes at myself for knowing so much about internet memes and so little about . . . well, anything of importance, really.

Moving on. Natural disasters follow the babysitters wherever they go, so it's only logical that a "gigantic" hurricane named Bill (we're pretty tight; I'm going to refer to him as Billy) comes along to test everyone's mettle****. Mr. Pike tells everyone to run and pack a few clothes ("enough for two days, tops") within fifteen minutes. This is challenging for Claudia.

"I was having a dilemma. I was wearing the only long pants I had packed, these overdyed navy jeans [more details, please]. I was also wearing a loose black cotton sweater over a white tank top. So if I packed my big purple Hawaiian shorts [I did the mental math for you and came up with a horrifying image, so let's just move on quickly], which were the next warmest pants, I'd be stuck having to wear an orange striped shirt [like clashing horribly has ever stopped her before?], which was the only long-sleeved one I'd brought. Unless I wore the sweater again over it . . .

'Uh, Claud?' Kristy said. 'Bill is a hurricane, you know - not a fashion show judge.'"

I kind of love Kristy Thomas. Bitch is hilar.

"I ended up packing three outfits - one in case it was cold and rainy, one in case it was warm and rainy, and one really nice one to change into if necessary (or if the weather cleared up). I thought that was very sensible. Oh, and some extra shoes and big bag of Mars bars I'd stashed away for a rainy day."

She did a way better job than I usually do, that's for sure. Last time I went back to my hometown I brought a pair of beaded flip flops, a pair of 4 inch cutout wedge sandals (I really enjoy the illusion of height) and a pair of thrifted oxfords which clearly once belonged to someone's adorably blue-haired grandmother. Since it was early frikkin' April in New York, guess which two pairs went totally unworn?

* Part 1. Mallory's makeover deserves a separate entry.
** worth watching.
*** I'm sure you can come up with better. I encourage you to do so - especially if there's hilarious photoshopping involved.
**** Mrs. Barrett exhibits (xzibits) an underwhelming amount of mettle, so Stacey steps in and assumes pretty much all parenting duties. The Babysitters Club: enabling negligent parents since 1986!

2009-04-13T21:25:00.006-04:00

A Moment with Kim: Shoe Buying Moratorium* Temporarily Lifted

Because . . . I mean . . . come on.

Remember a while back, when I mentioned the whole 90's revival we're experiencing? I said something about how I wasn't sure if I was pro or anti, but maybe I'd, like, break out my high school collection of Doc Martens. At least one of you was like "oh honey I would reconsider that." And I see your point, especially since my Docs were mostly of the chunky oxford variety. Plus, I wasn't sure they were really my thing. Until I saw these ridiculous Docs (1460 W Goldilocks). I mean, I'm basically wearing wallpaper ON MY FEET. You know that if I'd been shopping with our girl, she would have bought a pair too.

They were also a pretty sweet deal - $30 marked down from $109 at Famous Footwear. I am going to be stomping around in these things like nobody's business.

* The moratorium was put into place after I stumbled upon a pair of Frye Carmen boots for 60% off at Urban Outfitters. Extremely irresponsible. Totally worth it.

2009-04-10T17:02:00.005-04:00

A Moment with the Concept of 'Hipster': Not Just Parliaments and PBRs! (They Are Still Important.)

Thanks to tumblr and hipsterrunoff, I'm completely saturated with sarcastic and hilarious information about what it truly means to be a hipster. I recently looked up 'hipster' on urbandictionary (favorite definition: "You, for reading ironic, pseudo-intellectual dictionary entries on the word 'hipster'."), which led to me bein' all shame-faced and reaching for nail polish remover to get rid of the chipped black polish I may or may not have been wearing.

If you've yet to read Jeffro's Anatomy of a Hipster posts, go waste some time doing so. They are brilliant. Below are some of my favorites (disclaimer: no personal relevancy, of course - I am a magically original creature!*).

They are otherwise unable to read things that are not in big, bold Helvetica.
If you say "indie" ten times in the dark and in front of a mirror, Julian Casablancas will appear and blow cigarette smoke in your face.
They hate the mainstream, socio-political machine, but holy shit, do they love IKEA.
They prefer to have a full bed or larger so they have room to sleep with their MacBook, iPhone, Moleskine, a pile of dirty American Apparel clothes, a copy of last month's "Nylon", an ashtray full of Parliaments, and an empty beer bottle or two.
Crazy-ass patterns on hats and hoodies act as a hipster's camouflage in the war against normalcy.
They accessorize a lot so when their egos become too inflated, they'll be anchored and won't float away.
Hipster bars smell like unwashed armpits and arrogance.
Each one is waiting for someone else to say, "Wait. They don't love you like I love you..."
Most girls love Ed Westwick because they want a guy who is able to lock tongues passionately, be viciously spiteful, and then pass out in a drunken stupor -- all within the span of 3 minutes.
They'll express their love by burning you a mixed CD of obscure bands they think you should start listening to.
They don't shower because it's too mainstream.**
Guys make passes at girls with thick glasses.

* If you can't sense the sarcasm, we haven't been properly introduced. Maybe I should include relevant links to all the items on my tumblr which would serve as embarrassing illustrations of my overwhelming originality. I'll limit it to this. Oh, and this, because I have made that statement before in complete (if self-deprecating) earnest.
** Some of them are just lazy. I mean, not that I would know.

2009-03-31T20:37:00.007-04:00

Mystery #5: Mary Anne and the Secret in the Attic

This was before the mysteries got really out of control and the babysitters were, like, taking down mafia bosses and whatnot. They're good babysitters, Ann, I'll give you that. But you are pushing it with this crimefighter thing, for real. But this one didn't involve any jewel theives or deranged model wannabes (do you remember this book*? Looking at the cover makes my head explode a little.) This is a nice, simple story about Mary Anne's dad losing his marbles after the death of his wife and shipping Baby M.A. to the midwest and then never telling her about it. Okay, maybe not nice, so much.

Looking at this cover makes me think that the whole bowl-cut thing she rocked for the second half of the series was not a wise choice. But seriously, how suspenseful is that cover? She's got a frikkin' Maglite. You know shit's going down if there's a frikkin' Maglite involved.

So apparently Mary Anne lays out her clothes the night before. Unfortunately for us, she laid out "a pink sweater and chinos, with these cute little boots [she'd] just bought." She guesses that you could say her style is "basically pretty preppy." Also pretty boring, M.A.

"Dawn's room was kind of a mess that day. Clothes were flung all over the place. Her jewelry was scattered over her dressing table, and I counted about seven different shoes littering the floor. 'How can you even have any idea of what clean clothes you have?' I asked, shaking my head [in a disapproving schoolmarmish fashion, I'm sure].

'Oh, I know just where everything is,' said Dawn. 'For example, I'm thinking of wearing my denim skirt today [I sincerely hope it does not have a frayed hemline, but I suspect that frayed hemlines are the height of California Casual], and it's hanging on the closet doorknob. And with it, I'll wear my turquoise necklace [add some coral and antiqued silver and you'd have yourself a fan, Schafer], which is behind that book.'"

She should try my method.(That is, oh, maybe one-sixth of my necklace collection. I need to hire someone to follow me around whispering "recession" in my ear at all times, particularly when I'm at Target and those bastards are brazenly flaunting jewelry collections with names like 'global', 'tribal', 'wannabe hippie shit'**, etc.)

Mary Anne had Sugar Snaps for breakfast. Dawn had Healthi-Os. I just thought you'd want to know.

According to Mary Anne, Claudia is a really sophisticated dresser. "For example, that day she was wearing a lacy white top over a solid white bodysuit [I'd like to imagine she was wearing this one instead], a black mini skirt with white polka dots on it, lacy white leggings [I checked Urban Outfitters for an example but ended up getting distracted by these, which you know she would love], and red high-tops. Plus some really outrageous black-and-white jewelry (earrings and bracelets and necklaces [pile it on, baby, you got that]) that she'd made herself out of papier mâché. Claudia's an excellent artist. You should see the portrait she once painted of Tigger."

I'll pass.

"'Stacey and I went to the mall today, and I got the cutest jumpsuit,' [Dawn] said. "It's turquoise, with a wide black belt. Wait'll you see it.'

I didn't say anything, and she just kept on talking. 'Stacey got the same one in pink. I think we're both going to wear them to school tomorrow. Or would that be dumb? Like we were trying to look like twins?'"

Yes.

Finally, let me introduce you to an insult so scathing it practically [write in something funny here; I can't do all the work].

Yeah. You heard her. "Stacy doesn't know a cactis when she sees one." You can use this. Next time you're at a party and someone drops a drink, just shake your head sadly and say "[Drink Dropper] doesn't know a cactus when [s/]he sees one." When the person you're speaking to asks "huh?" just roll your eyes and walk away. You will be known as a Woman of Mystery. Trust me, works every time.

* photo credit to dibbly-fresh. I bet you thought this was going to be some sort of sassy remark, didn't you.

** hey! Target! Need a marketing mastermind?

2009-03-30T17:32:00.000-04:00

Hipster Claudia Would Love This:

photo by AJ Fosik (check out the entire collection of beer sweaters here).

2009-03-28T12:20:00.001-04:00

#65: Stacey's Big Crush

This entire book was an exercise in secondhand embarrassment.

Jessi is feeling the secondhand embarrassment as well. If there was a thought bubble over her head, it would read "oh honey no." But Stacey is beyond help. She's wearing a green bow in her hair that matches her dress. She's probably had her hair recently re-permed. She's probably wearing Love's Baby Soft. All in all, she is a hot mess pining over a substitute math teacher who looks like a Ken doll and is following a white tie dress code at a damn middle school dance. Dude, seriously.

I can't help you, McGill, so let's move on.

"She's also one of the two fashion plates of the BSC. The other? Hrrrmph. Yours truly. Okay, I know it sounds snobbish, but all I'm saying is that Claud and I are the most clothes-crazy of the members. We like to follow new trends (and set them, if we can). Claudia likes experimenting more than I do, though. She can throw together the wildest hats and vests and shoes - stuff you wouldn't dream of wearing - and look sensational. She loves to wear her hair in different ways and is crazy about wild-colored barrettes."

It does sound snobbish, Stacey, it does. (See, it's funny because if Claudia had said that I'd be in complete (effusive) agreement. These are the jokes.)

"Then I thought of something extremely important. My clothes. [Validation! I knew thinking about my clothes was extremely important - thanks, A.M.M./Ghostwriters!] I had gone to class wearing an oldish pair of stretch pants and an oversized turquoise men's shirt. Not awful, but not spectacular. There was no way I'd make the same mistake the next day.

I rifled through my closet. One by one, I looked at my best outfits.

Long red gown? Too dressy. Stone-washed jeans (with a knit top)? Too [cobrasnake] casual. Paisley-print stirrup pants? Too faded.

I started the process at 4:35. By 5:05, I found myself staring at a short, rayon challis tank dress my mom had ordered for me. It was navy with white polka dots. The fitted top taped down to a flared skirt, with white buttons down the front. It was feminine, yet comfortable-looking. Absolutely perfect."

Stacey says that she can't wait to tell Claudia about her outfit. Claudia, being fairly practical, is like "Stacey, chill out, this is crazy talk." You can't help her either, Claudia.

"When I told her I was thinking of wearing thong sandals, Claudia suggested instead the new white sneakers I'd just bought, made of eyelet canvas with lace shoelaces.

'Ooh, good idea,' I said. 'Now, what scent does this outfit go with? Should I wear Lauren, or is that too, like, twentysomething?'

'I think it's fine,' Claudia said. 'But, uh, don't forget, Stace. This is a class. Wes is a teacher.'"

I'm not even sure I have it in me to continue with all the navel-gazing and pining Stacey does over the course of this book. It is absolutely hilarious to read from a - to quote Stacey - twentysomething perspective. I wish I could remember what I thought of it while reading it as a kid. Anyway, I'm resorting to a bulleted list, because the fashion (and quotes) just kept on comin' with this work of art.

"From my secret psychological study of Wes, I had reached an important conclusion. He preferred dresses to slacks. So on Friday I wore a light, springlike sundress."
"I vowed to myself that the next day, Friday, I would wear pants to school for the first time in two weeks. Who cared if Mr. Wesley Ellenburg liked dresses? Besides, how did I know how he felt about clothes, anyway? I had completely misjudged his feelings about me, hadn't I? By the next morning, I had begun to have second thoughts. Maybe I hadn't misjudged Wes's [sic] feelings. Sure, he was a twenty-two-year-old man, but that was still young. Everyone knows boys mature more slowly than girls. Maybe he was confused. Maybe he found it too hard to talk about feelings. Maybe he liked me so much he couldn't find the words to say so. I wore the polka-dotted tank dress to school that day."

Oh girl. I have a book for you.

"It was Friday, a half hour before the Spring Dance. Mom and I had gone shopping at Bellair's after school. With her employee discount, she had been able to buy me one of the most beautiful dresses I had ever seen."
" I stood in the bathroom and admired it. It was a calf-length silk/cotton dress with pastel floral print, a scoop neck, and a shirred skirt that was slit to above the knee on one side . . . Then I checked my makeup in the mirror, slipped on my bracelet and silver hoop earrings, and stepped into my flats. I pulled my hair back and fastened it with a ribbon. I was ready. 'Watch out, Wes,' I said to the stunning blonde in the mirror."
"See you at the dance Friday night. Those words kept repeating in my head. He had said them to me. I know it was a harmless statement, but he didn't have to have said it. He could have said 'see you in class,' which had been what he usually said. But no. He had specifically mentioned the dance to me."
what Jessi wore: "an indigo blue unitard [of fucking course] with a matching open-mesh oversized cardigan."

At the dance, Stacey makes an ass of herself, to put it plainly. She asks this poor man (god, he's three years younger than me) to dance to some slow song, and he tries to be polite and says that he's winded, maybe the next song. And she actually responds "the next one might not be so . . . slow."

I die.

So of course he has to awkwardly explain to her that 22 and 13 are more different than she thinks, he's a teacher, etc. Finally. But he totally creeps me out by starting off with "Stacey, you are a brilliant, talented, attractive girl . . ." Seriously, is that at all appropriate within the context of that conversation? I want this Miss Carr wannabe kicked out of Stoneybrook Middle School before someone gets pregnant.

And how glad are you that that stupid plotline is done with? And the equally stupid Eyes Wide Shut thing? And can we talk about the sheer homicial rage on Chuck's face at the end of Monday's episode*? That was pretty intense, huh? Would you say that it was more or less OH SNAP inducing than the "I killed someone" scene from All About My Brother?

* and how hot is that Home Video song?**
** and how much do I love asterisks?