Friday, June 22, 2007

#71: Claudia and the Perfect Boy

"You'd be amazed by the colors that go together. Take pink and gold. You might not think to wear pink socks with gold stretch pants, and then add a gold turtleneck under a pink sweater. But that's what I did yesterday, and then I added blue jewelry. It was great! I looked like a human sunset. The outfit made me very happy."

Gold stretch pants, you say? Once again, 2007 hipsters have nothing on Claud. By the way, that outfit makes me very happy, too, despite the lack of shoe description. Perhaps when you're a 'human sunset' you don't even need shoes. I don't know.

"What good was it that I'd spent hours putting together an outfit if my mother was going to make me look like an infant before the lunch even started. (I'd settled on a long white shirt under a green tapestry vest, green corduroy pants, and low boots.)"

Okay, first of all, in sixth grade I HAD a green tapestry vest. It had cute little children in all sorts of charmingly ethnic ensembles (little Dutch girls in wooden shoes, Japanese girls in kimonos, etc.) on it. Thinking back, I kind of wish I still had that vest. Damn. Second of all - HOURS? Claudia spent hours on her outfit and wound up with that? Later she mentions 'dangly Native American beaded earrings,' which I suppose makes the ensemble a little more exciting. But still. Where are the lobster earrings and fedoras of the Claudia of yore, the Claudia who was receiving Phantom Phone Calls?

"You're not going to wear those, are you?" Kristy asked as I slipped into my new brown suede cloth pants.

"Why not?" I asked. I thought they were the best thing I owned.

"I don't know," said Kristy. "They just don't seem right for a first date."

I was not about to take fashion advice from Kristy, of all people. (Good point.) "I like them," I insisted, zipping them up.

"I don't believe you're telling her what to wear, Kristy," Mary Anne giggled.

"I know what you should wear. Those bead earrings," said Stacey.

"They didn't make a big impression on Brian," I reminded her.

"Well, this guy sounds different. And wear lots of silver jewelry. Your bangles would be perfect. And put your good silver hairclip in."

I trust Stacey's fashion sense, so I took her advice. I finished the outfit with a simple yellow button down shirt and a brown and yellow brocade vest. "Perfect!" Stacey announced. "All you need is a little lipstick and mascara."

By the time I was done, even Kristy admitted I looked nice.

God, looking to Kristy for fashion consultation is like hiring Claudia to tutor your child . . . which, I might add, the Brewers actually did when little adopted Emily Michelle wasn't developing at a normal rate. Fools. That child is never going to be able to spell.


The Tea Slinger said...

I actually always imagined the "gold" as the color - not metallic. Not that it makes the outfit any better. Random, I know.