Tuesday, November 27, 2007

#75: Jessi's Horrible Prank

In non-BSC related news, I got linked to by a comment in Oh No They Didn't. I am silly amounts of happy about it. Haaay ONTD!

Also, Lindsay, perhaps Claudia can help you. You look horrible.*

Claudia, on the other hand, looks fantastic. At least according to Jessi she does. But Jessi considers ballet leotards haute couture, so we shouldn't take anything she says too seriously.

First off, this paragraph starts with the usual girlcrushing 'she looks like a model even though she consumes 5 pounds of chocolate on a daily basis' drivel, so we're skipping straight to the outfit. But I thought I'd let you know it was there.

"she always puts together the coolest outfits, mostly from stuff she finds in flea markets. For example, at that meeting she was wearing '50's-style cat's-eye glasses frames, a plastic barrette in the shape of an alligator, a tie-dyed T-shirt, and bell-bottoms. "

Does anyone get the feeling that Claudia dresses crazier than usual for BSC meetings, just to freak out the more sedate members of the club?

p.s. if you have not seen Kristy's Serious Case of Bitchface in the previous entry, the time is now.

* I would also be glad to help, for a meager six-figure consultation fee. Let me know.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

#74: Kristy and the Copycat

Can you even deal with this cover? I sure can't.

And, to a: the q: in the tagline: only if crimes of fashion don't count.

For a Kristy-narrated book, this is surprisingly loaded with outfit descriptions.

"Claudia settled back on one of the benches with Alicia on her lap and began rooting around in her backpack. I was guessing that she had some junk food stashed inside (Claudia is a junk food gourmet) but I was wrong. [Something tells me Kristy is gonna have some trouble sleeping tonight.] She pulled out a pair of sunglasses: the frames were plain round wire rims, but the green plastic lenses were square, stuck into the frames by their four corners. I had to smile. Claudia definitely has style, and it's definitely, uniquely hers."

Of course Claudia is coming to Krushers practice, now that it's plot-convenient. I see right through you, ghostwriters. A+ on the sunglasses, though.

Okay guys, New York Style coming up!

"Stacey had pulled back her permed [gotta mention that every book] blonde hair back with a leopard-print scarf tied under one ear. [?] She was wearing one of her favorite pairs of earrings, gold leaf-shaped ones. She was also wearing a black wrap long-sleeve top, a short low-slung skirt with a big belt, black tights, and leopard print flats. She looked extremely cool. Which of course she is."

Wow. If the ghostwriters were trying to describe a ballet wrap cardigan, I'm actually kind of on board with that. The rest of it I could take or leave.

"What can I say about Claudia? She's as cool as Stacey. But if Stacey's style is New York [it is?!], Claudia's is - planetary. Out of this world. Planet Claudia."

. . . .

"Today she was into big [that's what she said. what? I miss The Office.]: a big yellow shirt with red x-shaped buttons, enormously baggy white pants, and big red Doc Martens double-laced with black and yellow shoelaces. Her long straight black hair was pulled upon top of her head with more black and yellow shoelaces braided together. Her earrings said 'stop' and 'go' - 'stop' in her left ear and 'go' in her right."

I'd forgotten about those earrings! Excellent work, Claud. Good show, good show.

"On the theory that the clothes make the coach (or at least help), Claudia and Stacey had conferred the night before and had dressed up for the occasion. Claudia was wearing a red satin baseball cap, purple sweatpants that were cut off just below the knees, purple high-tops with neon pink laces, red-and-white-striped socks, and a red and pink tie-dyed crop top shirt. Stacey was in black bicycle shorts with neon yellow racing stripes down the sides, a pair of Nikes with matching neon yellow swooshes on the side, (but ordinary white laces [Claudia: 1 Stacey: 0]), an enormous white v-neck t-shirt, a black jog bra, and a Brooklyn Dodgers baseball cap, turned around backwards. They were both using old gloves of mine. Stacey was wearing my whistle. Claudia had this funky clay whistle shaped like a bird on a leather thong around her neck that she'd made in art class. It didn't really blast like Stacey's, but the Krushers all liked it anyway."

I'm glad for them.