Thursday, April 10, 2008

A Moment with Kim: Haters to the Left

For the directionally challenged haters, it's <----- this way.

Some of you fools are not appreciative enough. You demand pictoral evidence documenting these crimes of fashion. (Some of you even think I should be recreating these outfits, but I am not "exotic" [read: asian] enough to do so.) And once in a while I bring the .jpgs, but quite frankly I am too lazy for that shit most of the time. Isn't it bad enough that I'm doing this? Do you know what it's like to explain this hobby to people in Real Life?

People tend to look at you funny, that's all I'm saying.

Luckily for you, I've been listening to a lot of Blackout lately. And in the inspirational words of Britney Spears' songwriters: "they want more? Well, I'll give them more."

Therefore, we interrupt our irregularly scheduled blogging format to bring you:

I know, I know, you're impressed with my mad Photoshop skills, but you don't have to inundate me with graphic design job offers. Your love is all I ask for. Unless you have that doll and are willing to send it to me, in which case I ask for that.

And yeah, that is candy corn. Cause, why not.

I'm pandering to my audience. And my audience is you. And you know you love me.

Gossip Kim*

* wouldn't it be great/horrible if I went through a Gossip Girl Blog Renaissance? "What's up Upper Bradford Court Siders, Gossip Kim here. Did you see the new perm S. was rocking at the Remember September dance? Don't tell M.A., but my sources informed me that L. and S. were looking mighty cozy. Meanwhile, C. resorted to her usual defense when dealing with yet another mom-funded S. makeover: creating bracelets out of telephone cords. Grab your flak jackets, SMS - I don't think we've seen the last battle in this clash of the fashion titans."

Monday, April 07, 2008

Super Mystery #3: Baby-sitters' Fright Night

By the time the series got to the Super Mystery stage of the game, they were . . . well, I'll be kind and say reaching. The mysteries in general are pretty notorious for being ludicrous. Even when I first read them I was like "the police want you involved in the investigation? Are you sure?" The cop in those books was always letting them into the interrogation room and stuff like that.

This one involves a huge diamond being hidden in a ceramic pumpkin Abby buys as a souvenir. I'll leave it at that.

"For example, today, while Claudia was no doubt running around Stoneybrook in some tribute to the season that included Halloween colors and themes (last year it was Doc Martens with pumpkin stickers, a hand-batiked shirt in orange and black, plus one orange sock and one black sock), Stacey had gone for almost total black [like her soul?]: black jeans, black boots, black turtleneck, silver cropped top over that, black boots with silver side buttons and silver X earrings."

I feel like there are people who will be okay with that outfit. However, it would help if we could understand what Ghostwriter here was trying to say. Is it a vest? What if it was a silver sequined vest, guys. How Urban Outfitters of her. Seriously.

Oh, and listen to this shit:

"Jessi's fond of wearing leotards even when she is not dancing; she has them in every color imaginable."