Tuesday, September 23, 2008

#27: Jessi and the Superbrat

Remember everyone: the Superbrat turned out to be Derek. Derek Masters, you aren't going to become a child star stereotype, are you? Ann M. Martin should definitely update the series for Our Modern Times, because I think it would be FABULOUS if Adult Stacey (who, let's face it, would be a total club rat and we both know it) happened upon Derek Masters and Mary Kate Olsen blowing lines in the VIP room at Hyde. It could be like when the Sweet Valley money-grubbers created the Sweet Valley University series and Jessica was having sex and getting married and I could not have imagined anything more scandalous, because that was a kinder, gentler time when Gossip Girl had not yet been invented. How fierce was Serena last night, BTW? (Did you notice my casual segue into Upper East Side gossip? I am getting better at hiding my true intentions: infecting everyone around me with the Gossip Girl Virus. Resistence is futile AND unfashionable.)

I wish I had better news about Claudia's fierceness level, but it is pretty low right now: "she had two french braids pulled back and wound into one. She's also a wild dresser. A that meeting she was wearing a bright pink t-shirt, a short red flouncy skirt, and underneath the skirt she had on black footless tights that she had rolled up to mid-calf."

Oh honey no. Calf-length leggings (footless tights, same difference) are even more hideous than regular leggings.

Well, that sure was a disappointment. Let's try to forget by having a Mini Moment with Kim. I should have written about this earlier, but I met a real life Claudia in my summer session class. It was amazing. Every day I'd be like "damn, I should be photographing this girl because my little blog readers are NEVER going to believe this shit."

Finally, on the last day of class, I took notes on her outfit - Ann M. Martin & Army of Ghostwriters style. (And yeah, I did get permission from her to post them.)

"Today, Julia had on a grey plaid jumper over a green t-shirt. There was writing on the t-shirt, so you could see a bit of the detailing peeking out over the jumper. Underneath, she was wearing a pair of cuffed grey jeans and old-school Adidas soccer sneakers. And, of course, she finished the outfit with a jelly headband made of overlapping hearts and a pink beaded necklace with a wrought iron pentagram pendant. On anyone else, the outfit might have looked strange or mismatched, but on Julia it was totally cool."

And it was.

And, because it's not an entry if I'm not pimping something: A friend of mine just released a new EP called The Stendhal Syndrome and it is pretty damn awesome. Go download it and then leave some comments. Preferably dirty ones, because it would amuse me. Joe would probably appreciate it also.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

A Moment with Kim: UMass First Day Fashion Report

There are so many parentheses in this entry. It is a parenthetical work of art, really. Prepare yourself. And how good was that Gossip Girl premiere last night? Admit it: when Blair wiped that tear away you found yourself getting a little misty.

One of the (many) wonderful things about being a part time student is that I have a lot of time on my hands (not exactly true, my job takes up a lot of time and energy and I am also really busy, you know, watching reality tv). So while ya'll are trying to figure out where Thompson is and how you're possibly going to handle three economics courses in one semester, I am mostly busy whistling and filing my nails. And people watching, by which I mean 'silent outfit critiquing.' But it's with love, I promise. I constantly have these inner battles where I'm like: "I love that bag. I should tell her. Will she be weirded out? I better not say anything."

Those of you who run street fashion blogs get mad kudos from me for having the guts to just approach people randomly.

One thing I've realized about people watching/silent outfit critiquing is that I need to be subtle about it. I mean, during the day it's not a problem; I just slap on a pair of obnoxiously large sunglasses and stare directly at you. However, this evening I'm waiting for the bus and the girl next to me has a really nice pair of jeans on. At first glance they're a fairly standard pair of medium blue straightlegs, but the back pocket detailing? Amazing. So I'm staring at the waistband of her jeans, trying to figure out what brand they are (why I don't know; I can barely afford to gas up my car right now, let alone buy new items of clothing). And then I realize that, to the casual observer, it would probably seem like I am totally fixated on her butt.

I felt pretty creepy after that. Sorry, girl with cute jeans*.

While I have your attention (assuming that I still have your attention), one minor rant: it was in the mid-80s today, if I remember my weather.com predictions accurately. And yet . . . girls in sweatpants. SWEATPANTS! Baggy, droopy-crotch, UMass logo sweatpants. I was baffled. It's bad enough seeing them during the other three seasons of the year (especially when they are paired with Uggs - my brain is bleeding just from the mental image), but already? Really? I mean, I guess if you're one of these Sweatpant Offenders, you could counter with "okay, Kim, I definitely saw you today wearing jeans, like you do almost every day." And my response, because I am a master debater, would be: "shut up."

The moral of this entry is that I love you all, except when you're wearing sweatpants. No, really, just in case anyone (besides Bethany) at UMass is reading this: this is a highly sarcastic blog / please do not hate me for my scathing mockery / feel free to make fun of me when I'm not wearing any jewelry (I don't consider myself dressed if I'm not wearing any jewelry. It's usually a sign that I'm having a bad day). I'm actually a nice person. Theoretically.

* Jean-related critique: If any guys (besides so@24, hollla) are reading this: please just say no to skinny jeans. Please. I haven't consulted any cobrasnake-style hipsters about it (maybe Cory Kennedy feels good about this trend, I don't know and I don't care to know), but every woman I survey about male skinny jeans responds like this: "ew they are so gross why do guys wear them they freak me out." Again, I will provide a strong counter-argument: "but Kim, you are all over that high-waisted crap like white on rice and I find that pretty heinous as well."

Master debater rebuttal? "You are wrong."