Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Prodigal Blogger Returns*: Kristy's Worst Idea Revisited

Let's muse on this cover for awhile. Do you love my handwritten notes? Yeah you do. I'm about to get into some serious analysis, so I'll direct you to dibbly-fresh's gallery for a closer look [EDIT: just kidding, I didn't realize blogger would provide a link to the large version. Click the pic. Marvel at the fashion.]. Feel free to add your input, because caring too much about books you read as a prepubescent is a community effort. Let's hold hands and sing the theme song. (I remember being incredibly sad that my parents didn't have HBO. I was all BUT MOM THERE IS A BSC TV SERIES WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?)

Abby, sit down. You haven't even been in the Baby-sitter's Club long enough to have built up any righteous indignation. Sure, I like your grey skinnies (they look a little bagged out, I would recommend throwing them in the dryer) even though they look suspiciously acid-washy, like maybe Claudia let you accompany her on her latest trip to American Apparel**. But I hate your shirt. Sure, I'm the least sporty person probably in the history of the world and I really dislike baseball. That doesn't mean I'm biased (it actually does). The shirt really does suck and hits at a weird length. It needs to be longer. Or shorter. Something.

Mallory and Jessi, I'm sorry. I can tell this is really stressful for you both. With that said, enough with the ballerina hairstyles, Jessica. We get it. You're the most dedicated 11 year old in the history of dance. You get up at 5:00 a.m. to practice in your basement every day. Mallory, never wear those colors together ever again. And get yourself to Lenscrafters because those glasses are atrocious.

Stacey, this may be the least "New York" you've ever looked. This is substitute teacher wear, Miss I'm So Very Sophisticated. Next.

Kristy, you know I love you. Upon review of the series, it turns out that the whole 'big mouth' thing is just a euphemism for 'sarcastic, snarky, and generally kinda awesome'. That doesn't make me any more okay with this ensemble. I know, I really have no right to say anything, especially since I own like 4 pairs of the same Forever 21 skinny jeans (they were $12.50, okay?). But at least put on a necklace or something. Flip flops instead of clunky white sneakers. Anything.

Mary Anne, your hair doesn't look completely horrific here. It's actually kinda cute. I don't really have anything else to say about you. I guess maybe I could reiterate my general disdain for the color pink, but whatever. You wouldn't listen anyway.

Claudia, if fashion was a video game, you would have already defeated Bowser and rescued the princess. You're wearing pinstriped denim. You're a sassy train conductor. Your shirt is drapey and involves ruffles, not unlike the one I am wearing right now. You're wearing dangly earrings you probably made yourself while you should have been learning how to spell. Please shift positions so I can see your shoes. With regards to whatever you're yelling at Mary Anne about: you are totally justified and I am on your side. Call me later - we can go shopping and gripe about your fellow club members.

* Trust me, I'm still an internet junkie. I am updating my tumblr, albeit mostly with pictures of Mary Kate Olsen and insightful captions like "fabulous", "give me your closet", etc. I also use twitter to prattle on about myself (because what is twitter for, really, if not vapid navel gazing?), Gossip Girl, etc. I love twitter, it's all about 140 character morsels of sometimes-wit. Also I've been big on channeling 17 year old billionaires lately. I'm thinking about investing in some bow ties.
** You're selling scrunchies now? For 6 dollars a pop? Oh for pete's sake, Dov. Pull it together.


eleanor hope said...

hahah! hit the nail on the head again as usual...some thoughts.

1. mallory's outfit made me almost throw up in my mouth.
2. kristy looks like she's going to storm out to play baseball ANY SECOND.
3.jessi. back away from those shoes.with your hands up.
4.stacey. omg she turned 40 in one issue. sub comment is SO true. why did subs dress like that? were they single and insecure? man...they needed a little rachel zoe in their life!

good post, good post. i applaude your nine am efforts.

Laura @ Hungry and Frozen said...

There is so much going on in this picture.

I agree entirely with your thoughts on Stacey's outfit and Abby's shirt (I couldn't figure out what bothered me about it until now: the length)

This is one of the least flattering covers in existence. Claudia's the only one who scrapes through looking attractive. Still, covers with the whole gang are always exciting!

Go Eun said...

you are

GraceFace said...

I have to say, I always love when Stacey looks silly...
I'm sadistic like that xD

Rosemary said...

"Say hello to your friends, BSC! Say hello to the people who care!" I begged for HBO just for this reason-not successful, though. :( Luckily, my local Wherehouse had a ton of episodes avail for rental. Old school HBO show vs The BSC movie starring Alex Mack? Still deciding who comes out on top. Fantastic post, as usual! :)

anna bu said...

hahaha great!

nikki said...

Very good commentary. But what sticks out to me most from the cover is the BSC Trivia inside the book! I want to take the BSC trivia quiz!

So@24 said...

Also, how did no one comment the hilarity that you dotted the i's with hearts just like Stacey did


I hate that I know that.

Megan said...

Haha, I always felt sorry for Mallory, too.

And when I saw AA selling scrunchies, I had the same reaction you did. Mine may have also included me yelling, "SERIOUSLY?!? WHYYYYY????"

Telisa said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Lady said...

the BSC series on HBO wins hands down over that movie... and they didn't even keep the theme song the same!
to this day i can sing the whole theme song... on cue... and it makes me smile.

great post

emily and matthew said...

Great post! I've been following your blog for a little while now and I love it. Don't know if you've ever taken your BSC searches to YouTube... but you should:

Margaret S said...

Who is Abby? And what happened to Dawn? Did she die in some kind of tragic health food store robbery?

Mallorey said...

This is hands down the most hilarious blog I've ever read. You, my friend, have a gift. I wish I was exaggerating when I said I went all the way back to the beginning to read every post but I'm not. I was an avid BSC fan back in the day (e.g. elementary school). I'd "borrow" the books from my classrooms and "forget" to return them. (Leading to the walk of shame on the first day of school every year as my parents forced me to revisit my old teacher once more to give back the books. Sob.) Not being truly interested in fashion until considerably later in life, I was not as much a fan of Claudia as I should have been, but now I fully appreciate her amazing-ness (and in my defense, she inspired me to start hiding junk food in my room behind my super-health-conscious parents' back, which I still do this day). I'm sad I got rid of my BSC books and I want to buy them all over again, but until then I'll be reading this blog religiously! Keep on doing your thang!-mallorey

Thao said...

omigosh. best post ever. i just bought "claudia and the perfect boy" from a used bookstore. and read it immediately. best half hour spent.

four zero five said...

I just stumbled across this from your What Chuck Wore tumblr.
HOLY CRAP BALLS YOU ARE AWESOME! BSC books were my life for a good couple of years. I remember buying my first one when I was like 5 or 6 at a toy store.

Melissa said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I think it is so clever. Like most girls of our generation, I was a major BSC fan (even had a "dress like your favorite BSC character" birthday party in the early 90s), and I think that your blog is such a great way to honor the books that we all loved so much!

Madison said...

i just came across your blog (via whatchuckwore. love.) and i don't think i've ever been so amused.

I'm working right now and creepily starting laughing out loud alone in the store at the Mary Anne comment (among others). I'm sure the passing pedestrians were both frightened and immediately on their cell phones to notify the local authorities about my recent escape from the looney bin.

you've literally saved my sanity at work today since about 20 minutes ago I basically dying of boredom. your whit would give Loreli and Rory a run for their money!

oh, and i totally used to watch the BSC tv show... i used to tape them on our Beta unit: yes, i am a child of the 90s. oy.


Le Chan said...

Nice post, but Jesse's not a "token" minority if there is another minority in the group...

Jiwon said...

Le Chan: i think jessie is the 'token' minority even tho claud's asian cus they never really mention her being asian (except that she's gorgeous..coz of her asian-ness haha) but they ALWAYS have to mention something about mal and jessie being best friends when ONE IS WHITE AND THE OTHER IS BLACK OMG.

ibrahim said...

Really trustworthy blog. Please keep updating with great posts like this one. I have booked marked your site and am about to email it to a few friends of mine that I know would enjoy reading
Sesli sohbet Sesli chat
Seslisohbet Seslichat
Sesli sohbet siteleri Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli Chat
Sohbet Sesli siteler
Sohbet siteleri Chat siteleri
Sohbet merkezi chat merkezi
Sesli merkezi sesli Sohbet merkezi
Sesli chat merkezi Sohbetmerkezi
Sesli Sohbet Sesli Chat
SesliSohbet Sesli chat siteleri
Sesli sohbet siteleri SesliChat
Sesli Sesli siteler
Seslimuhabbet sesli muhabbet
sesli sohbet sesli chat siteleri
sesli sohbet siteleri sesli chat
seslisohbet seslichat
seslikent sesli kent
sesli sohbet sesli sohbet siteleri
sesli chat sesli chat siteleri
seslisohbet seslichat

Carly Findlay said...

Surely Mallory picked up SOME fashion sense from Claudia through osmosis or something??

Post a Comment