Tuesday, September 02, 2008

A Moment with Kim: UMass First Day Fashion Report

There are so many parentheses in this entry. It is a parenthetical work of art, really. Prepare yourself. And how good was that Gossip Girl premiere last night? Admit it: when Blair wiped that tear away you found yourself getting a little misty.

One of the (many) wonderful things about being a part time student is that I have a lot of time on my hands (not exactly true, my job takes up a lot of time and energy and I am also really busy, you know, watching reality tv). So while ya'll are trying to figure out where Thompson is and how you're possibly going to handle three economics courses in one semester, I am mostly busy whistling and filing my nails. And people watching, by which I mean 'silent outfit critiquing.' But it's with love, I promise. I constantly have these inner battles where I'm like: "I love that bag. I should tell her. Will she be weirded out? I better not say anything."

Those of you who run street fashion blogs get mad kudos from me for having the guts to just approach people randomly.

One thing I've realized about people watching/silent outfit critiquing is that I need to be subtle about it. I mean, during the day it's not a problem; I just slap on a pair of obnoxiously large sunglasses and stare directly at you. However, this evening I'm waiting for the bus and the girl next to me has a really nice pair of jeans on. At first glance they're a fairly standard pair of medium blue straightlegs, but the back pocket detailing? Amazing. So I'm staring at the waistband of her jeans, trying to figure out what brand they are (why I don't know; I can barely afford to gas up my car right now, let alone buy new items of clothing). And then I realize that, to the casual observer, it would probably seem like I am totally fixated on her butt.

I felt pretty creepy after that. Sorry, girl with cute jeans*.

While I have your attention (assuming that I still have your attention), one minor rant: it was in the mid-80s today, if I remember my weather.com predictions accurately. And yet . . . girls in sweatpants. SWEATPANTS! Baggy, droopy-crotch, UMass logo sweatpants. I was baffled. It's bad enough seeing them during the other three seasons of the year (especially when they are paired with Uggs - my brain is bleeding just from the mental image), but already? Really? I mean, I guess if you're one of these Sweatpant Offenders, you could counter with "okay, Kim, I definitely saw you today wearing jeans, like you do almost every day." And my response, because I am a master debater, would be: "shut up."

The moral of this entry is that I love you all, except when you're wearing sweatpants. No, really, just in case anyone (besides Bethany) at UMass is reading this: this is a highly sarcastic blog / please do not hate me for my scathing mockery / feel free to make fun of me when I'm not wearing any jewelry (I don't consider myself dressed if I'm not wearing any jewelry. It's usually a sign that I'm having a bad day). I'm actually a nice person. Theoretically.

* Jean-related critique: If any guys (besides so@24, hollla) are reading this: please just say no to skinny jeans. Please. I haven't consulted any cobrasnake-style hipsters about it (maybe Cory Kennedy feels good about this trend, I don't know and I don't care to know), but every woman I survey about male skinny jeans responds like this: "ew they are so gross why do guys wear them they freak me out." Again, I will provide a strong counter-argument: "but Kim, you are all over that high-waisted crap like white on rice and I find that pretty heinous as well."

Master debater rebuttal? "You are wrong."


courtney said...

God, I am starting to realize my fashion sense would be a huge test for our friendship.
*stares at sweatpants*

Puff said...

Ahaha, everything about this post cracked me up. Most likely because I do the SAME. DAMN. THING.

Regarding the sweatpants, though, I was definitely guilty of that a time or two in college, but mostly during those, "It's finals and I'm about to rip my hair out and probably die" moments. I get baffled now when I see girls (mostly high school aged) wear full out pajamas in public. I mean ... Why?!

And Blair is such a bad ass. As much as I want her & Chuck to be together, watching them completely fuck each other over in future episodes is going to be EPIC.

(Eep sorry, longest comment ever. Love the blog! You rock!)

So@24 said...

The girls in sweat pants thing is everywhere. I begged for Spring Quarter at UW when zombie/girls in baggy sweatpants would melt away like winter snow.

I can't be the only male to read this blog. My heart tells me there are other Logan Brunos out there.

FruGal said...

Yeah, I spend way too much time on the tube checking out other girls' outfits. Just to pass the time, really, and have on more than one occassion thought 'hm, must look like I'm hot for that girl, but am really just coveting her shirt'. I am also fascinated by women who look perfect, as in perfect hair and make-up on the home-bound train. How do they stay that way all day, when I look like I have just survived a midly serious tropical storm by the time I'm on my way home from work? One of life's great mysteries. But this is beside the point. In reality, women dress to impress other women. Period. I'll take a girl sneaking approving glances at my shoes than a man checking me out any day.

SeeLeigh said...

This is OFFICIALLY one of my new favorite blogs. this is fantastic and i love it! :) :)

Erin said...

This is fantastic...I just forwarded it to my best friend, who is a fellow BSC fan/judge of the Ugg/sweatpant epidemic of the early 21st century.

Kudos on a wonderful (and definitely original) blog!


Amelia said...

May I add that even worse is girls in sweatpants and UGGS, carrying those HIDEOUS sack purses covered in the big sequins? BAD. VERY BAD. NO.

crispybenfranklin said...

Sweatpants are acceptable every once in a while, but college girls seem to wear them every. damn. DAY! Is it so difficult to put on a pair of jeans every once in a while instead? Dayum.

Jennifer said...


joe told me about your blog and i literally just spent like 2 hours at work reading your postings! Umm, hilarious. Seriously.

Hope all is well!

SMILF said...

I totally laughed out loud at you looking like you were checking out the girls ass. My husband does this shit all the time - he will be looking at a necklace and I'm like, "Quit staring at the woman's chest!" and he's like, "I'm looking at the diamond in her necklace!" which to anyone else you would say, yeah right, but really. He is just that ADD. LOL

Dana said...

Sometimes I want to start a blog called "what I wore today" and just post a pic every day of me in that day's outfit. Because I think so many blogs today are just fucking stupid. But not yours. I love yours.

copperoranges said...

one of my best friends harasses me because i like sweatpants, but in my defense, i only wear them on sundays AND i live on campus at a very small private college. eventually you have to quit dressing up every day because a) you run out of clothes quickly and b) these people will see you in various states of undress anyway. so sometimes YES I DO go to the caf in my sweatpants at sunday brunch.

your blog is classic.

Earlene said...

Do juicy track suits count as sweat pants?

hazel said...

so with you on the sweatpants

Chelsea said...

Hey, I hate sweatpants, too! I have one pair just in case I want to wear them after...I don't know, dance class or something, but I haven't actually put any on in years. When I'm super busy with finals or something, I tend to wear yoga pants. And possibly not brush my hair. But, the sweat pants never come out.

I don't wear jewelry, though...i just don't have many pieces...

And, on guys in skinny jeans: ew. that's all I have to say.

Love the blog, by the way! I think it's hilarious.

Kitty said...

I LOVE guys in skinny jeans, for reals!!

Magen said...

I graduated from UMass last year and I'm happy to report that I never ONCE wore sweatpants to class! Uggs and a Northface, absolutely, but sweatpants, NO.

LOVE this blog!

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